TEENAGE WASTEDLAND

TEENAGE WASTELAND Part 16

Gaga had a difficulty falling asleep that night, it was not just her mind that was keeping her up, the summer heat that was excruciating even though she had thrown off all her clothes and pulled the blankets to the side. Her husband next to her had never trouble falling asleep; it was almost magical how he could literally shut down with so much ease. Later that night she woke up, the fan that she had turn on to cool her off made her sweat turn into cold droplets and made her feel chilly, Gaga took a few deep breaths and just stared at the calmly breathing Taylor who was lying on his back now, the blanket draped just below his torso almost like it was put there. She waited a few seconds for her heart rate to come down and moved herself to her husband's side of the bed, nestling her body against him carefully enough so he wouldn't wake up and pulled the blanket up clamping it in her fist. Taylor woke up from suddenly feeling her naked body against his as her hair tickled his arm, he slowly opened his eyes feeling a bit disoriented from just being awaken from his dreams and swallowed "are you ok?" he whispered, Gaga looked up and felt guilty for waking him up "I'm sorry, just had a really bad nightmare, go to sleep" she whispered back and rested her head on his chest, Taylor moved his arm and slowly caressed her hair "what was it about?" he asked "scary thoughts..."as she bit her lip. Taylor had for a second forgotten about it their whole situation and felt like he was thrown into reality again "you can talk to me if you want" he said "it's late" she answered "I don't care" as he pulled her closer, Gaga closed her eyes as she tried to block the images of her nightmare with not much of a success. Taylor slowly felt his eyelids getting heavier and heavier as his body wanted to fall asleep again until he felt something wet on his chest "are you crying?" he asked shocked and turned on the dimmed lights in their bedroom, Gaga sat up straight and hid her face into her hands, Taylor sat up too "oh was it really that bad?" he asked now wide awake, Gaga nodded as she removed her hands "it's not just the dream, what if it is really... it?" Taylor rubbed his face as he didn't really know what to say or even how to react "what if it did come back? Why didn't I just have the mastectomy when I had the chance?" she said as she felt her tears stream down her face, Taylor moved closer and held her in his arms "remember what the doctor said? It's probably nothing" Gaga looked up in his blue eyes that seemed grey because of the dimmed lights, he was truly upset. "But what if it is? Going through all that again? I don't know if I can and the children... you-" she said sobbing, Taylor just shook his head "I-I don't know" he stuttered, Gaga looked up "I know this might not be the perfect time, but Tay, I have been thinking-" "about what?" "well we have 6 children, almost a grandchild-" as she smiled "-and I am 45-years old and all of this, this whole situation it is just too scary, even if the lump is benign" Taylor nodded not really knowing what she was trying to say, Gaga took a deep breath as Taylor looked guessingly at her "I want my ovaries and breast tissue surgically removed so I minimize the risk of getting cancer ever again" she said in one breath. Taylor's jaw dropped "really?" he asked, Gaga nodded "I mean, I'm getting older and will eventually get into my menopause anyway and I think it's just the smart thing to do, I wanna be here on this earth with you as long as I can" Taylor took a few seconds to process the given information and slowly nodded "I will always stand by and support you, but it sounds really big, I wanna know more..." Gaga faintly smiled "alright" as she pushed him down so they were lying again, Gaga rested her head on his arms so she was on her back and started talking, just explaining as she herself got more and more convinced that this was the right decision "-and they will replace my breast tissue with prosthetics so basically I am getting a boob job" she joked, trying to lift the mood a bit but it didn't help for Taylor who was staring into oblivion, he turned around "it does sound good, but what are the risks?" Gaga shrugged "I haven't talked to a doctor yet, I have just been inspired by so many brave women who did the same" Taylor nodded and looked at their alarm clock "let's just sleep and concentrate on your surgery tomorrow ok? We can ask the doctor then too" Gaga nodded "ok" and closed her eyes.