Lawless Gangster

Extra: Chapter 82 - Part 6

For: Quiet_Pen

06

When Xiao Li arrived downstairs, he began to regret it. He actually left Qi Xiu Yuan—who was in an erect state—alone in the room and walked away without giving him a reason.

But his mind was in a mess and he couldn't stay in that room full of the smell of their passion.

He had only taken two steps, and his heart was already irritated to the extreme. He wished he could walk to the end of the world but he was worried that Qi Xiu Yuan would become anxious upon not being able to find him. He took several deep breaths and walked down toward the flower bed in front of the building, and sat down.

If he chases after me, how should I explain it? He sacrificed so many things for me, done so many things...I haven't done anything for him but made him homeless, made him break the law with me, and now I couldn't even get in bed with him?

'I am sorry', those three words are not enough.

Xiao Li painfully closed his eyes with his elbows resting on his lap and his hands covering his eyes.

Since it was autumn, the night breeze was cool; cool enough to wear Xiao Li down as he sighed from the bottom of my heart, thinking that he was also awakened from his dream on such a night. The young Xiao Yang was already asleep and he could hear some sounds coming from his mother's room. He thought she had returned and ran to the kitchen with the intention of giving her dinner.

The sight that he saw that day was honestly horrific for a seven-year-old kid. He was frightened yet still rushed over to save his mother.

When his mother pushed away the stranger that made him scared, then kneeled before him and apologized, and promised to never bring those kinds of men home anymore, he discovered that his face was somehow covered in tears.

However, his mother broke her promise. She still brought people home because the guest would not pay extra to go to the hotel and she, herself, was not willing to spend more money on her own. She tried to be careful, but those guests sometimes would act out deliberately...

Those memories were so dark and painful, Xiao Li couldn't think again. He sat still for a long while before his thoughts leaped to the shameful things that he had seen after being at Jin Ting. There were Han Jia's men snuggling up to those women and those eyes burning with desires, then the thought of Li Shi Qing's eyes on him...

Those were things that he could not talk about to anyone else...he couldn't even open his mouth to speak of it with Qi Xiu Yuan. What can he say? Qi Xiu Yuan, when I was a child, I saw those kinds of things and thought that it was really shameful and dirty. I don't want to do anything like that in my entire. But I, myself, also have needs. I went to look for those women...what difference were there between myself and those men that went to look for my mother? When Li Shi Qing looked for me, and I for those women, isn't it the same thing?

He couldn't speak at all.

A person enters another person's body and gets pleasure from that person's most intimate place...For Xiao Li, it is the most despicable and least dignified thing in the world.

When he and Qi Xiu Yuan were affectionate with each other, whether it was using their hands or mouths, he could deceive himself but the last step was always a crucial threshold he could not cross. Qi Xiu Yuan is different from everyone. He could not do something like to Qi Xiu Yuan and he could not endure to let him do it to him.

He knew that it was wrong and he knew that it would hurt Qi Xiu Yuan...he had tried to persuade himself, but in the end, he still pushed Qi Xiu Yuan away and left him alone...

Light footsteps slowly approached him; it was a familiar rhythm. Someone came over and kneeled in front of him and rested his hand on one of his knee.

Xiao Li could feel himself freezing up. Then, as if waiting for a verdict, he waited for Qi Xiu to speak.

"It's cold here." Qi Xiu Yuan's voice sounded normal, like nothing had happened. "Let's go home, okay?"

Home. Xiao Li thought in a daze, and then silently shook his head.

"Then I will accompany you." Qi Xiu Yuan said but he thought for a moment and added, "If you want to be alone, I can go first."

The silence that overtook Xiao Li remained even longer before he took his hand away from his eyes and reach out to Qi Xiu Yuan and whispered: "Don't go."

Qi Xiu Yuan gently kissed his knees, got up, held his hand and sat down beside him.

In this district, when the night sky rolled in, the street lamps on either side would lit up in a yellow light and form a circle on the ground. And soon, some unknown insects would swarm about it, flying high and low in admiration of the light.

Xiao Li looked at those small insects while Qi Xiu Yuan looked at him and slowly leaned over and embrace him.

"You can tell me, Xiao Li." He whispered, burying his face in Xiao Li's neck. "You can tell me anything."

His lips touched Xiao Li's ears and the skin at his neck. There were no desires in it, but just the mere thought to comfort him, to tell him that he was here.

Under his simple touch, Xiao Li slowly relaxed his body. Qi Xiu Yuan then rubbed his chin on his shoulder. "You should rely on me. You are Xiao Yang's big brother and Lin Zi's leader. You've handled many things and taken care of many people. But you, yourself, also need to be taken care of." He began to kiss his shoulder. "Since you won't take care of yourself then let me take care of you. Xiao Li, let me take care of you. "

Xiao Li opened his mouth but remained silent, unable to say anything.

Eventually, Qi Xiu Yuan finally could not help but to hug him tighter and ask, "Was it Li Shi Qing? When you and he... you ... did that... did he not treat you well?"

Xiao Li thought about it for a moment before he understood what he meant. "No," he replied, and he didn't know why but he wanted to laugh. Then he muttered, "You can really think."

Qi Xiu Yuan however appeared to be even more worried, "Then, why are you so afraid to be with me..."

"I'm not afraid." Xiao Li whispered and paused, dropping his gaze. "I know I have problems, sor—"

He did not get to finish his words when Qi Xiu Yuan kissed him, giving extreme care and adoration before he whispered near the side of his lips. "Don't say I'm sorry, Xiao Li. I'm most afraid of you feeling sorry for me." He gently stroked his back. "I'm not Xiao Yang or your subordinate. I don't need you to stand up to resolve every problem for me. I just want to face the problems with you. I was the one that chased you first. Did you forget that?"

Xiao Li looked at him with a bit of shock. No one had ever told him those kinds of words before. He had no choice but to grow up when he was still very young. For all the days that has passed by, his responsibilities, his sins, and the power that he held to carefully manage each operation, reminded him every day, every moment: You must not make any mistakes, you must not be willful, and you must solve everything.

"I can wait until you are willing to tell me, until you accept me, and until you think I am qualified to know..."

Qi Xiu Yuan murmured in his ear, Xiao Li suddenly couldn't help but to think that Qi Xiu Yuan must be an extremely patient teacher.

He still couldn't open his mouth. His past was too dark, too embarrassing that it made him felt he was utterly despicable. He has yet to prepare well enough to tell anyone of those wretched things that weighted him down. But Qi Xiu Yuan is here. Qi Xiu Yuan was willing to face the difficulties with him. Qi Xiu Yuan tolerated his stubbornness. Qi Xiu Yuan cared about his feelings...and with only a few words, Qi Xiu Yuan was able to eased the pressure in mind and heart.

In the cold and deserted night, Qi Xiu Yuan gave him a home.