The Watchmaker's Doctor ✔️

XIX

2003, Fifteen Years Backwards

The moments ran into months, and the seasons came full circle back to summer. Anaya's plans to take it slow with Matt fell by the wayside. He met her every day by default, working daily with her dad. Seeing her in his evenings and weekends, however, had been on all on him.

"Hey, beautiful." As she got in the truck, he kissed her and drew her close. Every time he did that, Anaya made herself replay the snippets of memories she collected in her mind, lest they rust. This was the way she'd chosen to deal with the fact that with each day her life progressed, the closer her early death became. Existing like that would have been torture, so she concentrated on filling her treasure chest instead.

Replaying her cherished memories came to her like second nature now, and she let it take over. The blurred background of the three-tiered waterfall the day he'd asked her out. The fire that spread up her nostrils as she tasted wasabi the night she met his mom. And the squeals of laughter the girls tried and failed to control as they discussed their first time having sex.

"How's my favorite teacher today?"

"I'd take those cherry-cola-flavored lips and summer holidays over an apple and exam grading, every single time." With his second degree, Matt had gotten on the fast track and graduated six months ago. JBU had given him a temporary assignment while he hunted for a permanent one.

Sometimes, Anaya couldn't believe how well her life was turning out this time. Although she never missed therapy with her father, she'd asked for private sessions as well. Not to cause her parents too much alarm, she'd put it down to the additional guidance needed for growing from a struggling teenager to a blossoming adult. There were times when she still felt like a mammoth stomping on a melting ice rink, and didn't think she'd take another step down this new path, but they were getting less frequent.

"I love you too, you know."

"I know." He took his eyes off the road for a few seconds so she could see he meant it. She'd named those dimples Bonnie and Clyde, and her heart tap-danced at their appearance.

As they approached the train station, she instantly identified Tay by the Gucci cases beside her.

It took some time for the hugging, twirling and hugging some more to wind down before the girls were calm. Matt had just finished placing Tay's luggage carefully in the back when Kait arrived. The welcome dance repeated.

***

"He turned out to be a complete user and a womanizer." Apparently, poor Tay hadn't held out for the love of her life.

Anaya walked over to open her windows and let some fresh air circulate. What she really needed was to turn away from her friends to keep herself together. She couldn't help feeling that this was her fault. They are bearing my past sins. Because she'd gone to college, Kait was rejected and had no degree. While Anaya had Matt, who genuinely cared for her, Tay had inherited a relationship in which she was taken on a ride, robbed, and cheated on. This is all my fault! She wasn't sure if any of her past life could in actuality seep into her friends' lives or whether it was just her guilt talking, but the guilt was seductive.

"Earth to AJ..." Tay, still in the middle of telling how she'd got played, hated to lose a captive audience.

"Hang on, girls. I need some meds. I'll be right back." Anaya rushed to the kitchen, anxiety rising with each step. After sticking her mouth under the kitchen tap and gulping her emergency stash of pills, she lurched on to the porch, desperate to be outside. She doubled over, sucking in the clean air.

"Babe, we're here for you." Kait stood a few feet away with Tay close behind.

Anaya's eyes filled with tears at the reassurance they still readily gave her, and she folded herself on to the swing. "I'm so sorry..."

"Whatever for?" Tay sounded so innocent that Anaya cried harder.

"You had such great lives at home. I changed one single decision to apply to college, and it all went to shit. Karma's not a bitch. She's a whore, acting like I've stolen her pimp."

Kait and Tay must have taken the familiar sarcasm to mean that their friend was back in control, so they converged to hold and console her.

They swung together like that for a long time.

"You mean the world to us, Ana, but not even you could have made me more realistic with my choice of college." Kait clutched Ana's hand a little tighter. "Or expected that I could have dealt with failure at seventeen, any better than I did."

You have no idea how much worse it could have been for you. Anaya's breath caught in her throat at the memory.

"And unless your original choice was to become a designer who developed gowns made of potato sacks into the next big fad," sighed Tay, "you couldn't have saved me from attracting the crowd who'd sell their own mother for money and fame. I'm so grateful I found out before being sold for my body or raped."

Been there too. I'm afraid you're too sweet to have survived that. She couldn't remember anything bad happening to Tay, so that was a relief. But my happiness seems to be costing Tay hers... At this, Anaya closed her eyes against the guilt.

But Tay cupped her face. "Ana, you have no idea how proud we are of you. You consciously choose to overcome your disorder, every day. For our sakes and your family's, you sought help, by yourself. And there are no days off from that, but you're not fazed."

"You've never accepted that you deserve to be happy, Ana. Not having supported you to do that earlier is our biggest failure and greatest regret. Please start. Now." Kait's eyes locked with hers.

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