I left her behind! [COMPLETED]

Chapter 4: Remembering

Bellamy's POV

Last night, Madi had showed everyone their rooms and where they would be staying. After everyone got settled we all sat by a campfire and talked about what all happened the past 6 years.

"So how was it?" I asked to Clarke. Her face went dull beside me, like she was remember horrible stuff that happened. "Well it was very hard in the beginning. I was getting sick almost everyday and could barely walk. I couldn't eat anything and there wasn't much left in the lab." She said staring into the fire. "About 2 weeks after I was finally at least able to walk and I had to get out to see it there was anything even left, but when I got out all I could see it desert and more desert. Nothing for miles. I don't know how it survived but there was a rover. It was in very bad shape of course but I fixed it the best I could. I wasn't as good as what you would have done though Raven." She says with a smile.

"Well I don't know about that, it looks like you did a pretty good job." They both laughed and then Clarke continued. She talked about how she found the forest and when she found Madi. Honestly it broke my heart when she told us that she was completely alone for 2 years until she finally found Madi. I can't even imagine being alone for that long. All your friends and family are either in space or below you and you have no one to talk to.

"I'm so sorry Clarke, I wish that we could have come down earlier but the oxygen wasn't save yet and-" Raven got cut off before she could say anything else. "It's ok Raven, I'm just very lucky that Madi was down here too so that I wasn't completely alone. If I didn't have her then I don't think I would." She didn't finish that sentence but everyone knew what she was going to say. She was looking at her hands, playing with something in the dirt. Clarke was the strongest person I knew and I knew she could get through anything. I reached over too her and took her hand. Her eyes a little watery but there were never tears falling down her face.

"Well I think we should all go get some sleep. I don't know about you guys but I'm so tired and just want to sleep on a bed." Murphy said, breaking the silence. We all chuckled and got up with him. I saw Clarke walk away into the woods. I knew that she was about to break so I followed her to try to help.

Clarke's POV

After Murphy said that, I thought it was the perfect time to walk away and go to the docks by the river. I was about to break but I didn't want any of them seeing me. They had just got back and I didn't want them to have to deal with my broken self.

I made it to the river and got to the end of the docks. I took my shoes off and placed them beside me so I could dip my feet in the water. I just watched the water and the stars. My eyes were starting to water and tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't take all of the pain. Pain from being alone. Pain from being left. Pain from me. There was so much that I felt was in top of my shoulders, weighing me down farther every second.

I hear a snap in the woods and I didn't even have to turn around. I already knew who it was and quickly wiped all the tears off my face. Bellamy came and took of his shoes and sat right beside me. He knew I was crying. He always knew when I was upset or mad. He knew when I was going to break and when I was normal.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bellamy
said. He stared out into the open river not looking at me directly.

"You wouldn't want to hear it. It's nothing good and just pain that I've relived." I said. I could feel him become sadder and I knew that he was thinking that it was his fault. "It's not your fault. I'm the one who left and I knew that I wasn't going to make it back in time. I wasn't going to risk any of your lives. You all needed to be safe and if you would have gone... I don't think I would have been able to live with myself." Tears were now streaming down my face. I looked over at Bellamy and could see some tears too.

"Anyway you helped me a lot through out it" I said. Maybe I shouldn't tell him but it was a little too late now. He turned his head towards me with a confused look.

"I don't know if I should tell you this and I don't know what you will think but while you were in space and I was alone...I...I radioed you everyday. Everyday for 2199 days. I kept radioing until you came back and sometimes it helped. It kept me sane in a way." I looked over at him and he was staring at me. His eyes were watery and were filled with pain.
I didn't expect what happened next.

He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me into a hug. I could feel some tears on my shirt and he spoke very softly. " I'm so so sorry. I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have helped. I wish that it had never happened or that I could have taken your place. I'm so sorry."

His voice was so shaky and broken. It hurt me how much pain he was in about the whole event. "You don't have to apologize. It's ok, you did what you had to do. If that same event happened again, I would do the same thing because that would mean that you all would be safe and I couldn't live with myself if you weren't."

Bellamy slowly looses his grip and started at me. I could tell that he glanced at my lips a couple a times and I glanced at his to let him know that it's ok. He gently brushed his lips against mine. His lips were so soft and smooth. Mine fit perfectly with his and it felt right. I was so happy that he was back that I could be with him now. When we finally came apart I smiled and he smiled back.

"We should probably get back. You need your rest for the tour Madi is going to give everyone." We both giggled and got up. We put our shoes of and started to walk back. Before we left Bellamy grabbed my hand and held it tight as we walked.

When we arrived he went to his room and I went to mine, but before I entered I heard a snap in the woods. I didn't think it was anything but then all of the sudden I could feel pain in my head. I fell to the ground and then everything went black.