Running With Scissors

Hawaiian Pizza Makes Logical Sense, But Tastes Like Sadness

Picture a pineapple.

Can you explain how the pineapple looks like? How it feels? The weight? Is it solid or liquid?

We are willing to be you can pretty much explain what a pineapple is without disagreeing with another person. They are universally known. It is just a pineapple.

But what if we were to ask how it tastes? What color it is? Is it big or small? What sound does it makes when you bite into it?

In this case, things become more complicated because the person describing it might not like pineapples, and so they taste gross to them. Perhaps a person says it is Pantone Yellow, while another says Scarlett Red, and there may be one idiot who says they are actually green. Maybe someone only eats small pineapples, while another likes them as big as their head. Do you hear a crunch, or a munch when you bite into it?

Humans are obsessed with knowing stuff. They live for that. People with knowledge are looked up to while the rest debates whether or not that person is or isn't a reptilian, hell bent into turning your kids to Satanism with vaccines. They value knowledge above all else, which might come to a surprise since humans hardly agree with each other about what they know.

They may agree on some basic facts about things, like the fact that a pineapple is a fruit, but tend to disagree when the subject of debate moves from the logical to the sensorial, like whether or not a pineapple has any business being a pizza topping.

We at "Running with Scissors" hail our Hawaiian pizza overlord.

What's interesting about that is the fact that humans, while valuing logic over feelings, tend to make every decision based not on what is logical, but what makes them feel better. They marry to a person not because they are the best genetic match, but because they love that person—or because they're gold diggers.

They study a particular career, not because they have thought it through and decided that it was the best choice to maintain themselves financially, but because they like it. If humans were logical, there wouldn't be any art mayors serving you that tasty Quarter Pounder with cheese at 3 a.m. while you're high off you mind.

As such, humans are, and forever will be, bound to their feelings, as irrational as they may be, which in turn affects their perception of reality. People have different tastes, preferences, and can even experience the same thing differently from one another. For example, the same color might look different depending on the people observing it. Humans are annoying like that.

Humans can only be certain of what they can experience for themselves—a thing known as Empiricism. If a person happens to be allergic to pineapple, they can only be sure that they're deadly, not delicious.

Because of this, humans tend to be a rather stubborn race, preferring to experience things themselves rather than to hear another human tell them about it, even if it is detrimental. You would think that, after the first death related to drinking and driving, people would think twice about doing it again. But they do it, over and over again, thinking they are different because "they do it all the time."

There is a popular human saying that perhaps summarizes human existence like no other phrase could: Man is the only animal that trips twice over the same stone.

This refers to humankind's inability to learn from their collective mistakes, not about actually tripping on rocks, like Peter Katz did, but it is still quite fitting.

Humans are born, like British philosopher John Locke once said, as a "tabula rasa"—a blank slate. They are filled with experiences as they grow up, but only through experimentation, since their perception of reality is unique to each and every one of them. That also factors in human selfishness, since they can't experience being in another human's body, they can't really be sure there are actually any other humans besides them.