The Way We Were Before

4 - "I miss them so much."

I haven't been able to concentrate on anything all day.

I've got this feeling, like I'm going to throw up. Lottie keeps reassuring me that I'm just nervous because I'm about to see Easton again.

For so long, I've been able to close this part of me off, stuffing it away in a deep part of my mind where I hardly ever have to think of him. If something did happen to remind me of him, I'd quickly think about something entirely different.

He had changed so much after the fire. Actually, he had changed so much even when the fire was still raging that one fateful night years ago.

When I had walked over to him, tears streaming down my face at the loss of my holiday home, he had pushed me away, screaming at the top of his lungs that his father was dead. I failed to believe him until the funeral. I was in denial for a week before the grief truly took its toll on me. When I began to sob violently, I reached out for Easton's hand, as he stood stiffly next to me, watching his father's casket get lowered along with my parents. But he didn't let me take it. In fact, he drew away from me, his face so emotionless that I began to see the person he would soon become.

He was the only other friend I had that actually understood what I was going through and he completely cut me off. The one boy who should have had empathy for me never came to see me when I needed him most.

"Lu! You ready?" Lottie calls. I swear under my breath, glancing down at the pyjamas I'm currently still wearing.

"Eh...yep! Just, um...doing my mascara!"

"You're still not dressed, are you?" Lottie says, opening my bedroom door.

"I am!" I say, running a brush through my knotted brown hair, wincing occasionally.

"If you want a lift, you need to hurry up. I need to get to work in less than half an hour!"

"Your boss loves you. She won't care if you're late!"

"Luna, that is not the point! Do you think just because she calls me L-dog, that she would let me be late to work?"

"Um, yeah, actually I do."

"It's only because she wants me to date her son," she sighs, pulling my makeup drawer open and grabbing everything I need to apply.

"Does she realise that you're 28? He must be at least 40 now," I scoff.

She laughs, moving on to apply some bronzer to my cheeks. "You know what the worst part is?"

"What?" I say.

"He reminds me of Dad. It would be like dating Dad," she laughs, but it dies out quickly.

I close my eyes, pretending that it's so she can apply my eyeshadow when really, I just need to relax. "I miss them," I whisper. "I miss them so much."

"Yeah," she mutters, "I do too."

We lapse into silence, but it isn't uncomfortable. Sometimes, when either of us brings up Mum and Dad, we take a minute to collect our thoughts. Sometimes it hits us all over again that we won't get to see them tomorrow, or the next day, or even next year.

"All done," she says, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Want me to straighten your hair? I'll do it quickly."

"Yes, please," I smile, gratefully squeezing her hand.

She plugs the straightener in, sitting behind me on the floor. I smile at her through the mirror, watching as she hums quietly, pulling my hair behind my shoulders.

"I love you," I say, watching her meet my eyes in the mirror.

"I love you too."

I couldn't have asked for a better person to raise me. I'll always be grateful for her and slightly guilty that she lost part of her youth because of me.

"Done!" she says, unplugging the straightener.

She grabs my phone, picks up my bag and opens the door, running out as fast as she can. "Come on! Come on! I've got to get you there in ten minutes and get to work in fifteen!"

"Is that even possible?" I ask.

"Oh, honey, have you seen me drive?"

I realise she's right and I pull on my seatbelt, making sure that it's on safely before Lottie pulls out of the driveway at an excessive speed that almost gives me whiplash.

"You ready?" she says.

I look out the window, scared to meet her eager eyes. This night is going to change a lot of things for me. I'm not sure if I should be scared or excited. Either way, I turn back to my sister and give her my best smile.

"Yeah. I'm ready as I'll ever be."