The Diary of a plain Jane

The very beginning of miss plain Jane

This is what have from that day turned my life around... or not my life more like my state of mind.

It's well known around where I live that I am no good with people. A smaller city where almost everyone knows everyone (at least the once our own age). And yeah news spread quickly. After our summer break in 2012, we all got split up from 4 small classes to 3 bigger once.. Some came from other schools, but well it didn't take long for most of us to stop acting weird. And then there was me. 

I'm quite shy or at least I was back in 7th grade. I was 13 years old and terrified of new people. Even though most people came from the same school as me, and apart from the fact that we had basicly been next door to each other, I was freaking out. 

I was no good at socializing. AT ALL. I tried so hard to fit in that I lost myself, and everything I stod for. And when I realized that I began changing. 

I have always been smart and I have never been afraid to show it. Sure it has caused me some bulling but I feel stronger that ever today, so if any of my ex-bullies are reading this thank you for making me stronger than most of you. I don't mind being called geek anymore. Today at least... The 7th grade me. Not so much.

I was judged the good girl of my new class. Little miss right. But one thing was not going my way.... My looks. I didn't look as pollished as some of the other girls. I didn't pluck my brows and wore a ton of makeup. I was almost automaticly excluded from our own little society. If my teacher didn't help I would have been so lost in my own little bubble. Back then. Today. And in the future.

I'm not saying I was friendless. I wasn't but both of my friends were so close to each other. I was new in their friend group, and they had been together for years... So even though I wasn't I felt very alone. I could tell you guys that everything is getting better with time. But honestly that's not the morale of this story. I started focusing on other things. I started finding myself instead of suffering under the judging words of the population in my small town. And man did it work.

I decided that they couldn't tear me apart if I knew a billion ways to glue myself together. I was right. I find the importance of finding yourself underestimated. We need to be induviduals and only by being that we can function in society. I'm not signalizing that everyone should deactivate their Facebook, twitter, wattpad accounts and so on but I'm just saying that finding yourself might be the best in the long run. If you do it before it''s necessary it comes more natural if you have the time and chose to use it. 

My friend had a very close aunt who died very young of cancer. She told me that after that she didn''t know who she was (not that she knew before) but it took her months to find herself because she had to. 

People need different amounts of time to find themselves. True! but we all have to start somewhere. We can't just sit around and wait for life to catch up with us. We need to chase everything we want before it's too late. It's not going to be easy to find yourself but it will be worth it. 

I began with having an opinion about EVERYTHING!. Literally just everything. What your family are having for dinner, which politicians you support, and if you find it necessary to collect money for the children in Africa. Everything I had an opinion on. Another plus with this is that if you say them out loud in human studies, you will probably get a higher grade... (I know I went for a B to an A)

Another thing is find out what you absolutely adore and what you can't stand. It gives others a great idea of who you are if you can say: "oh my favorite color is red" or "I like chocolate." Plus it will give yourself more confidence during small talk, if you actually know what to answer if you get asked. 

Okay so this wasn't all diary...

Well after I found myself I found confidence. I found the will to stand up for myself, and say no to the people who teased me. For awhile at least but that's another story.