We were sitting across from each other. He had a blank stare as if time had stopped. He opened his mouth but found it very difficult to speak as if he was carefully looking for his words before letting them escape. I would have liked to sit next to him, hold his hand and reassure him by saying "don't worry, it's going to be okay you can tell me everything" but at this moment the best thing to do was to wait. And so I waited because despite all the situations that we would face in our life as a couple I would wait for him to lead when he needs it. I will wait for him even if it takes forever as long as he lets me dive into his beautiful eyes where I can dream about our future.
LC: It all started after my concert in Paris, I was in my dressing room when a guy came to see me, a œnologue from Paris named Mr. Lasagna, he wanted to collaborate with me. He wanted me to promote his wine and have it sold during my concerts. I refused because personally I prefer beer, besides I had other projects. But my manager convinced me. So I did it. But I insisted on tasting the product first because I didn't wanted to sell shit to my fans but he would always change the subject and I founded it weird I felt that something was wrong. So the first time we were going to sell his wine I decided to stop the partnership. During my concert in France, we had bottles, we emptied them all but I still paid the guy just to be fair. I didn't wanted to hear about it anymore. The guy was furious and I never saw him again... until last night ...
I saw on his face that he was finding it more and more difficult to tell me the story and that his eyes were shining more and more. Tears rose to him as if something very serious had happened, I wanted to take him in my arms, I wanted to protect him from all the misfortunes of the world. I was sad because he had lost his smile, he had lost his words... He took a deep breath, as if he needed all that air for the rest of the story .
Me: You can tell me anything. I whispered.
LC: So..I was quietly in my room, 2 hours had passed since I left the plane. I heard a knock on the door and it was you. You were standing in front of me, you looked so blank as if your soul was absent from your body. You mumbled that you wanted to talk about something very important and you tried to enter in the room . But I didn't invite you in, cause I don't invite strangers into my room so I refused. This is where a man appeared, Mr. Lasagna .., that's when he said to you get on your knees then get up and give your postal address..
I started to have a nervous laugh but the seriousness on his face calmed me down quickly.
LC: And you did it Marie .. you listened to him and did exactly what he told you to do. I laughed at you and asked the fuck was going on, and when I wanted to close the door he blocked it with his arm. This is where he told me that I better let you in or he was going to make you kill yourself .
Me: Wait . ( I stopped him, still not understanding where this story was going.) What was the address I gave ?
LC: 3 rue villédo in Paris
I was speechless. It is not possible, this information is not available anywhere, I never talked about it to anyone... How did he get this information, is it revenge for the way I spoke to him on the plane ? Is he joking ? maybe this is his kind of humor .. maybe there is a hidden camera and it's all a prank, is Ashtone kootcher hiding anywhere. I looked around but there was nothing and his facial expression was so natural and honest that I could only believe him. Someone drugged me.... I was so scared of the rest of the story that I asked him to stop.
Me: I don't wanna know anymore, I'm too afraid of what you're going to tell me, I'm too afraid of being ashamed until the end of my life of what may have happened.
So he stood up. He sat next to me, I felt his leg touching mine, he took my hand between his and said to me,
LC: I need to tell you everything . You need to know the truth to move on. You and I will never see each other again, you have to go back home, because I'm afraid I can't protect you and I can let an innocent person die.
I could listen to him speak for hours without saying a word, without making a single movement. He rocked me with his voice, but the reality of his words came back to me with a blow. The fear that I had in me evaporated little by little because he was next to me, he cared for me, he wished the best for me.
Me: then, keep going
He squeezed my hand even harder before telling me the rest of the story.
LC: So the two of you entered the room and explained to me that I had no other choice but to transport his goods, otherwise each day he would choose someone to drug and make this person do bad things. And I didn't quite understand what he meant so that's when he explained what he was really hiding in his wine. The zombie drug, a drug that allows one person to control another. So I asked him why me? Why did he need me so much to do all of this. That's when he turned to you and asked you to take out the gun in his bag and point it to your head. What you did immediately ! And he told me « Im the one asking the questions here ». Then you both got up and left, the next day I saw you next to the elevator and I knew that all I could do to help you was send you home, so I poured you some wine, luckily it's the drink you asked for, and I made sure you returned home.
He stopped talking.. and looked at me like he was waiting for a reaction, an answer from me..But I didn't know what to say. There was nothing to say, everything was almost clear. And despite everything he told me, the only thing that hurt me was that we were going to leave each other..... He will never let me stay here, he's going to push me away no matter what. But I couldn't, I needed the warmth between our leg, between our hands.. between our heart.. didn't want his eyes to look away from me, his sweaty hands to let go of mine and let them dry ... I need him like I never needed anyone because...because he is my drug.....
I have to find a solution, I couldn't let him escape and the only thing that could help me is if we decide to solve this problem together .
Me: You can't avoid the problem, you have to face it. We have to face it together.
(I told him while stroking the top of his hand with my thumb. )
LC: I cannot risk the life of a stranger for something that concerns me Mary !
Me: But I am no longer a stranger Capaldi, you have to think about it I am part of your life now whether you want it or not , and I will be there, I will be by your side during all of this. We will overcome this together we will solve this problem together. And then, Im going to put a good big kick in the balls of the person who dared to drug me and take advantage of me. No man gives me orders, I am free of my own actions, no man will dictate to me what to do or what to say.
This is where I saw him smile, a grateful smile. The corner of his eyes narrowed like a child, the corners of his mouth stretched to the eyes. That's all I wanted from him, that he liked me, that he was happy with my presence, that he wanted me by his side, but something was still stuck on my mind...
Me: I still need to ask you something..
LC: yes of course I'm listening.
Me: This morning when I came to your room you told me that I had promised you something last night. . what did I promise you.
His face changed immediately, he started to stutter" it's.. it's nothing .. I just said that so I could know if you remembered anything from last night that's it..
Then he changed the subject but I couldn't hear anything he said next...why did he stutter so much and changed the subject... I was sure deep down that there was something else but it was surely not the time to focus on it.....
