I was staring at the ceiling for 10 minutes now... I feel like all I did since I came here is stare at the fcking ceiling....I really thought I lost you Capaldi..... it was the most realistic nightmare I have ever had it was so bad that now my shirt is wet , so much sweat omg I don't even drink that much...
I was laying on his bed... again. And even if it was all just a bad dream, I was still sad, what if one day it becomes real... I can't think of a life without him but what can I do to stop that.... Nothing? He has someone and soon I'm going to loose him. And that's the hardest part. Loving someone who could never give you what you want...
I think I need to stop thinking about this.... it's ok , everything's gonna be alright... Ugh my boob hurts... I think Im gonna have my periods...
Capaldi : Hey..
Me : Hi..
Capaldi : sorry the door was open so I came in , are you ok ?
Me : yes Im better now just had a bad dream
He sat next to me
Capaldi : what did you dream of ? was it about your dad....
Me : No, it was about you...
Capaldi : what ?! I thought I was the man of your dreams not of your nightmares hahahaha
He makes me laugh so much...
Me : I thought I lost you... it felt so real... I really care about you you know....
Capaldi : And I care about you.. I would never leave you like this..
Owhhhh he was so cute...
Capaldi : But you would.
Hum sorry what? Wait wtf where does that come from?
Me : what ? why do you...
He didn't let me finish my sentence , he just stood up and left. Ok Im confused.
He came back with a bag. Was it food ? he took something out of it and gave it to me. It was some medecine... omg does he know Im gonna have my periods ? does he have a periods radar ? a pedar ?
Capaldi : Listen you've been stuck in the bed for two days now. I need you to wake up, to stand up and go on with your life. I need you to live ! I don't know how to help you . All I know is that if you don't make any efforts, if you are not wiling to live... Im gonna lose you, and I'll be crushed.
Ok Im completly lost, two days ? Have I slept for two days without noticing it... depression is going to kill me he is right I have to get better... I have to stop overthink everything.... Ugh damn period between the pain and the confusion I can't think straight...
Me : Okay
I stood up and was going to hug him. But he pushed me.
Capaldi : No. And Im sorry for what's going to happen next.
Me : ...... what ?
He took my hand and led me to the living room..
I.....
Don't......
Understand.......
Capaldi : Im so sorry
I couldn't believe my eyes, how is it possible....
Me : Papa ? ( dad ? )
S : Marie, ma chérie.. Viens il est temps qu'on parte. ( Marie, honey, come with me... it's time for us to leave)
Capaldi : Im sorry I couldn't protect you Marie please don't go
I feel weird, this whole situation feels weird, I can't think straight the pain from by body, the confusion , Capaldi, my dad , I feel like I can't breathe... I laid down on the ground for a minute.. I wasn't feeling well
Then I saw Capaldi giving me his hand..... I tried to grab it but I slipped...
Me : wait... why do you have blood on your hand...
Capaldi : Marie you are the one bleeding
Wait... what's going on....
