Baby, I don't feel so good. | Billie Eilish AU

one

BILLIE

Bland white walls. Black chairs. After a few weeks being here, you get used to the depressing bland space. I fail to understand the logic of bringing mentally ill people to such a boring environment to "heal". It wasn't working. I've been here for a month and I'm still as messed up as when I got here.

"How are you today Billie?" Mrs Baker, my assigned therapist questioned with the same soft tone she used every time she spoke to me.

I remained silent. I didn't like talking to anyone when I was feeling this way. I know that I think about really dark things and would rather keep them to myself than let them spread like a plague. It was best this way.

"Have you been writing new songs in your journal?" she prodded. I nodded. "Can I please take a look?" after giving it some thought, I handed her the journal. It was futile to fight, she would find a way to see the contents of that book. I watched as she paged to the most recent pages. Her brows furrowing slightly as she examined the doodles accompanying the words on the page.

"Hmmh," she paged to the most recent page and I cringed. I wasn't proud of that last page. "This has already been established Miss O'Connell but you have quite the gift. Your ability to capture exactly what you're feeling and translate it into art is immaculate. Well done."

"Thank you," I whispered while playing with the sleeves of my hoodie, feeling vulnerable. I was horrible at receiving compliments on my work even though I was a Grammy award winning singer. I could never get used to it.

"Can you tell me how you were feeling when you wrote this song?"

"Uhm I can't really remember, " I said in a low tone hoping she wouldn't catch my lie.

"Can you try and remember for me?" She said as she jotted something down. I stopped caring about what she wrote because I had an idea that it wasn't good.

"Uh yeah, uhm I," I continued playing with my sleeves hoping the ground would open up and swallow me whole. It didn't help that Mrs Baker just kept staring at me expecting me to speak. "I was feeling lonely and sad. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Usually you write about family and friends but I can't help but feel like this is about someone else. Am I right?" I slightly nodded and looked down. "Do you know this person?" I shook my head. Truth is, I had no idea who I was talking about but I knew that she was the most important person to me. Pathetic huh? How do you feel connected to someone you've never met? However I feel like I've seen her before.

"Can I please go to my room and sleep Mrs Baker? I don't feel so good."

"Alright, but I will let the nurses know so they can check on you during the day. I don't want you sleeping all day as that would be counterproductive to your treatment."

I said a quick thank you and made my way out of her office. Before heading back to my room, I decided to take a walk around the hospital. I kept wondering about what was going on in the outside world. Did my fans miss me? Had they forgotten that I exist? Did they still listen to my music? My family refused to tell me whenever they came to visit, apparently Mrs Baker thought it wouldn't be in my best interest to know.

I tried my best to be a role model for my fans but somewhere along the way I crumbled. I didn't notice how hard I was working myself until those close to me pointed out that I hadn't eaten in three days and I was sleeping more than usual. I blamed it on work, however it was evident that I wasn't okay. I can't believe I let myself get this bad. I feel hopeless and I don't know how to fix it.

After a few more rounds around the psychiatric hospital, I made my way back to my room. To my surprise there was someone inside laying on the bed next to mine with her eyes closed.

"Uhm hello, what are you doing in here?" I questioned startling the girl. She slowly sat up and stared at me for a moment before a smile appeared on her face.

"Hi, I'm Raven and this one next to me is Amor. We're your new roommates. Don't worry Amor won't need her own bed, she'll sleep with me." She grinned. I was still stuck on the fact that I couldn't see Amor but it finally clicked that I'm in a psychiatric hospital and we aren't exactly normal here.

"Oh uhm, I'm Billie. Hi Raven and... Amor?" I shook her hand and tried to shake Amor's hand even though there was no one there. I had to respect Raven and her condition. "Nice to meet you guys." I smiled.

"I know you can't see her, the nurses keep telling me she's not real," the taller girl expressed sadly.

"Well real or not, I just know that we're all going to be good friends but for now I'm going to sleep." I smiled politely before retreating to my bed and into the covers. Maybe things will be better from here on.

RAVEN

"Hey Rave, I think she's asleep." Amor whispered while standing next to Billie. We had been waiting for her to sleep before we can start talking only because I didn't want to be too loud for her. I've got manners.

"Yeah I can see that Amor. Now can you please move away from her so she can sleep peacefully. You're being creepy." I sighed. I really wanted Billie to like me. There must be a reason the universe brought me here.

"I'm sorry, it's just that she's Billie Eilish. That's so cool."

"Yeah but she likes avocados and that's probably her only flaw." I grimaced thinking about the vile fruit.

"That's a shame. But are you sure she's the one? What if the universe was wrong?" Amor glanced back to where the small girl was sleeping.

"Yes, Amor. I can feel it. Trust me, she's the one we have to save. This world has taken too much from her already, it's time she knew how to fight back." I stood up to grab my journal so I could document this moment. This could make a great book one day.

As I was writing, a soft knock came from the door. I called for the person to come in trying not to disturb Billie's sleep. Seconds later in walked the nurse with a tray filled with medication. I rolled my eyes at the sight, so primitive.

" Hello Raven, how are you?" She asked. I nodded in response as she walked to Billie. "Wakey wakey sweetheart, it's time for meds."

Billie slowly woke up and stretched. I felt sorry for her since she only just fell asleep. She took the handful of pills and used water to swallow them. The nurse walked to me and I took my meds.

"These meds are going to block your vision, Rave. Why are you taking them?" Amor scolded

"Don't be like that Amor, these pills can't do anything to me that I don't want them to. I've been trained." I smiled at the girl then turned to the nurse who looked concerned.

"Don't worry honey just keep taking your pills and you will get better." She gently squeezed my arm then made her way out of the room. I looked at Billie's side to see that she had gone back to sleep.

"Rave, these meds are doing something to me. I don't want to leave. Please don't let them take me."

I walked to the corner where the girl was silently crying, I took her pinky and hooked it with mine. "Don't worry Amor, you'd never completely leave. You are a part of me and together we're going to save Billie."

~
A/N that's the first part, done. let me know if you want more. if there's enough demand, i'll update twice a week. however if the demand is low, updates will be sporadic.

con amor
Boledi 🌹