Baby, I don't feel so good. | Billie Eilish AU

two

 BILLIE

hopelessness.

My biggest symptom. I am so used to feeling hopeless, I wear it like a second layer of skin. It feels safe to be alienated from the rest of the world. I don't deserve the love that I've received over the years. I remember reading a comment stating that my fame was a result of my looks and that a lot of teenage girls didn't know whether they wanted to be me or be on me. I obviously found it very hilarious at the time but on my bad days, that shit stings. I'll never forget it. Was I worth all the hype? I don't think s-

"Billie! Snap out of it!" Raven yelled out which caused me to flinch. Damn, why the hell is she yelling? "Come, let me meditate with you," the girl continued.

"Ain't that what I was doing?" I stated. For the entire month I've been here, Mrs Baker has been trying to get me to meditate. I really do try but I always go back to thinking about that one comment and spiraling back into my safe haven of hopelessness.

"Definitely not. You started to frown and your eyes were moving a lot even though they're closed, which told me that you're thinking really hard about something negative. And that, my little golden nugget, is not meditating." The older girl moved from her spot on her bed and made her way to mine.

"Bro what do you know about meditation," I asked with a chuckle. "I find it hard to believe that a girl who walks around with an imaginary friend can meditate," I quipped looking at the girl who was now seated on my bed criss cross apple sauce style and facing me.

"First of all, Amor is not imaginary but you're clearly trying to deflect from the negative emotion you're feeling by being deliberately offensive to me as a defense mechanism so I'll forgive you." Wait what? "And believe it or not but Amor does shut up sometimes and in those moments, you might as well call me Osho because I become fucking zen bruh."

The look on my face was that of complete shock. Raven has known me for barely a day and yet she read me like a book. "Damn, am I really that easy to read?"

"Not really, I'm just really observant," she smiled at me and I smiled back. "Amor, shut up I'm trying to help Billie meditate," the girl continued. We came up with a rule that if she needs to respond to Amor or speak to her, she'll say her name first so I know she's not talking to me. It's been working great so far.

"Yeah Amor, I'm trying to learn how to meditate," I playfully glared at the empty space next to the girl and we all laughed at that. For some reason, I feel somewhat happy? Like I'm not completely happy but I don't hate what's going on right now.

"Alright, Billie take a deep breath for me. In through your nose and out through your mouth," I started to feel much more relaxed as I mirrored Raven's breathing. "Muy bien, keep breathing like that and focus on the air as it enters your body through your nose and as it leaves through your mouth."

We continued like that for at least 10 minutes and I felt much better. Raven actually knows what she's talking about. Who woulda thunk?

"Great progress, Bil. Now everyday you can do that and gradually increase your meditation time. I promise you'll feel much better in no time." The taller girl leaned forward to give me a kiss on the cheek which made me blush. I identify as pansexual so the fact that a female is kissing my cheek isn't what's flustering me, it's the fact that it's a hot girl kissing my cheek.

"Hey Raven, can I ask you a question?" I say trying to hide my embarrassment from being so flustered.

"Yeah shoot. Also, you can call me Rave. I like that better, makes me feel invincible." she states which earns her a chuckle from me.

"Okay, Rave," I say testing out the nickname in my mouth then deciding that I like it for her. "Have we met before? Like outside this hospital? Because I can't shake the feeling that I've seen you before."

"Amor, will you shut up please. I know that this is good." She snaps at the space to her right. "Uhm, sorry. We have never officially met unfortunately but we have definitely seen each other."

"Huh?"

"I'll elaborate. The year was 2019, a few months after your debut album dropped. I was working for a small entertainment company as a content editor. You had come in to film a YouTube video. I remember I didn't want to meet you because I was having a really bad day and didn't want your first impression of me to be negative so I kept my distance. Silly I know. " I let out a small chuckle as agreement but also to ease her nerves. "Anyway, I walked into the room to hand the producer the questions for the game you were about to play and I don't know how it happened but we suddenly locked eyes." I reached out to take one of her hands so I could start playing with her fingers while she continued the story.

"It seemed like time halted at that moment. Your eyes looked silver under the production lights. You looked exhausted honestly but I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever laid my eyes on. I swear in that moment I heard the universe laugh and I just knew that you were the one."

"The one what?"

"I don't know how to explain it but I just knew that you were the one I was meant to save. I won't go into much detail because all will be revealed in due time but I'm here for a reason Bil, and you are that reason."

"Uhm okay. One more question. Why can't I remember seeing you?" I said disappointed that I can't remember the moment she is referring to.

"You probably lost that memory due to your mental illness. I only remember because I wrote it down in my journal and read it to Amor almost every day so we can't forget."

"Wow, that sucks."

"Anyway it's almost time for our medication and I need to find a way to dodge drinking one pill in particular." She got up from my bed and went back to hers and before I question what she meant by that, a nurse walks into the room after softly knocking for a few seconds.

Raven is so weird.

~
A/N i hope you are enjoying the story so far. i know it might be confusing but it will make sense eventually. until next time, stay at home and stay safe.

con amor
boledi 🌹