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Chapter five

I hate fighting with Billie.

I hate how I felt sick to my stomach thinking that she was angry with me, and I hate that she thinks I want to leave her.

With no idea where to go, I suddenly find myself in the nearby park, sitting hopelessly on an old set of swings as I sulk.

The fact that no one was around only depressed me further, and I wished I had never left. I knew that Billie would be just as upset as I felt, but I still couldn't help but feel frustrated at how pointless our conversation had been. I still needed to pick a college, and Billie's reaction hasn't made things any easier.

My mood gets progressively worse as I let my thoughts consume me, the ache in my chest continuing to spread. I quickly realize all I want is to be back with Billie, to hear her voice, but a brief pat down of my pockets confirm that I left my phone at home.

Why couldn't I have just stayed put?

The last thing I had wanted to do was storm out, but the room had become so suffocating it seemed like the only option.

I don't know what I can do to show Billie my side of things, but I know that my leaving is inevitable.

I thought she had already guessed I would need to keep moving forward with my education. It doesn't make sense why she would completely freak out when she realized that...

Oh.

She thought I would be going back on tour with her.

I had just assumed she knew that I would be going to college, and that I wasn't happy with the idea of being tutored by Maggie. It just wasn't the same, and I didn't want to miss out on the social aspect of it all.

Tilting my head back slightly, I stare up at the sky, trying to gather the courage to head back and try talk everything out again.

My plan is interrupted by the sound of voices heading my way, and I glance up to see a group of people not much older than me walking into the playground. It's obvious when they spot me, nudging each other and making a beeline for the swings. Five or six of them head my way, I try to ignore the nervous butterflies that erupt in my stomach.

"Hey beautiful," one of the guys calls, looking at me up and down, "what are you doing here all alone?"

"Well I was enjoying the peace and quiet, but I guess that's not an option anymore." I retort, but a smile finds it's way onto my lips.

"Well shit. I'm real sorry about that," someone else cuts in, a girl this time, "can we offer you a beer to make up for it?"

She holds out a can for me to take, raising an eyebrow when I hesitate, "what? Don't you drink?"

I shake off my indecisiveness, taking the beer from her with a quick thank you. The rest of the group eventually spread out, chatting loudly, but the first guy from before continues to linger.

"Mind if I sit?" He asks, gesturing towards the empty swing beside me. I nod my head, watching as he takes the seat. He starts to gently sway forward and back, his feet never leaving the ground as he matches pace with me.

Cracking open the can, I lift it to my lips and tip it back, feeling the bitter liquid wash down my throat. I curl my lip slightly at the taste, never really having been much of a beer drinker.

I hear the guy introduce myself, but I try my best to tune him out, not interested in talking to him and too far gone into my head to bother pretending.

One beer quickly turns to five, and before I know it the sky has darkened dramatically in colour and my head has started to spin.

I knew that drinking was a bad idea, but the numbness and my finally still mind, is making it hard to regret the decision.

It just feels good to feel nothing for a change.

But even though I could barely think straight, I still felt the urgency to get back and fix things with Billie.

"I need to leave." I slur, dragging myself into a standing position, using the chain on the swing to steady myself.

"Let me walk you home." The guy offers, his name still a mystery to me, but I quickly decline, not wanting his company for much longer.

He stands up with me, a hand automatically winding around my waist when I stumble, but I push him off, grateful when he takes a step back.

"I'm fine." I insist, turning bitter when I notice pity in his expression at the state I'm in.

He looks doubtful but doesn't press, and I feel his eyes on me as I start to make my way back to Billie's house. It gets easier to focus on my steps as I keep walking in the fresh air, and before I know it I'm able to enjoy the gentle buzz of the alcohol without wanting to throw up.

When I make it through the front door, the house is silent. In the back of my mind, I remember mine and Billie's argument, so after a long drink of water, eventually collapse on the couch, figuring she wouldn't want me in the bed next to her.

I drift off in seconds, my clouded mind finally allowing me to sleep.

A/N: for the flashbacks, would you guys prefer it written regularly or in italics or something to make it easier to tell the difference?

Thanks for reading 💕