again

fourteen.

PSA!!!
I just want to thank you all for 1k reads, I know it takes me to update bc I've been doing online school recently, I will try to be more active though. 🥺❤️ I love you all.
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"Please don't go," I whisper, my throat burns

"I-I love you" I admit, painfully
"I love you, please don't leave."

The scene replays in my mind, as my head lays on the pillow.
I should've held him, I should've held him and never let go.

I miss him.
I miss him so much it makes my stomach ache, I miss him so much it makes me feel sick, helpless, exhausted and alone.

I feel broken, like I'm missing a piece of myself that somehow, I let go.
I let him go.

I let Lucifer go when I could've stopped him, I loved him and I let him leave without making a valid effort.
and I hate myself for that.

My heart aches, it makes me want to throw up when I think about it because now,
I know he is just a memory.

The chances that lucifer will ever be back are low, low.
Low like the feeling of being empty,
low like the feeling of being alone in a room full of people,
low like the moment when for a split second I forget he's gone- and I turn my head to say something to him- and it's like a slap in the face.

Because I let him go,
and now I get to live with the consequences.

Sometimes I doubt he misses me, because if he missed me like I miss him, he would be back.
He wouldn't be in hell.

He told me I was his first love, but honestly I'm wondering if he still means that, because if he does, where is he?

"Lucifer if you can hear me" I say, a tear trickling down my cheek, my voice breaks.

"Please, come back." I whisper, into the pillow.

"I need you," I cry