Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings | Complete

Epilogue Part 3: Can I Stay With You

Welcome to the very last installment of Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings 😘🎉

This chapter was waaay longer than I anticipated, and even though it's not INTENSE or anything, I still feel that it's important to slap it with a PG 13 label.

I attached a song to the top and it goes with the chapter, so check it out if you will. Enjoy!

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There's loving in your eyes 
That pulls me closer

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9:00

The instructions were simple, but in the meantime, silicone or water-based?

A muscle appeared in Xander's jaw as he clenched his teeth together, eyes indecisively darting from one container to the next. They were both brandished with the name of their brand and the lube, along with the number of fluid ounces contained, containing crystalline, thick liquid with different scents and feels - cherry water-based lube, whilst the silicone one held a banana scent.

Of course, being a guy with no experience with guys, it was safe to say that Xander didn't know jack shit about gay sex. That's where Carter proved himself to be useful. Between avid sex-ed classes with Carter, the gay porn videos Xander watched, considering what Sage might like and everything in between (and what would be painless), that was what led to Xander scooping up both lube bottles, and a trusty box of Durex condoms before proceeding to checkout. Sure he received a few curious looks, but one, it wasn't Xander's first or second time buying condoms, and two, he couldn't have let Sage go instead. An image of Sage standing in that line with a burning face and an erection from thinking about what Xander might like popped in Xander's head, making him chuckle.

Then again, Sage would probably give in and order everything online again. He was far too innocent for his own good.

"Sleeping with a guy ... it's different."

Carter's words, and different, Xander knew it would be.

Nervousness and hesitation had been a big part of their relationship, but so was trust. That's what led to Xander and Sage engaging in some intimate things before sex, like blowjobs - something Sage was unfairly talented at, God damn - handjobs and more extreme things like making Sage come undone with his fingers, but nothing close to penetrative sex. Xander hadn't thought Sage was ready for it, and a small part was still nagging, telling him that Sage would have another flood of memories or panic attack the second Xander replaced his fingers for something larger, more potent. The mere thought made Xander's hands roll into fists.

Carlos.

Xander forced the thought out of his head as he whipped out his phone, scrolling through a few articles that led him to an ample decision; silicone lube, for a multitude of reasons. They'd always used water-based lube before, but this time for different, and the silicone lube would hold up better - it was slicker and had more slip (less painful, fingers crossed), it was compatible with the condoms he picked up, and in a worst-case scenario, the other lube existed for backup, no biggie.

Getting it off the sheets would be a pain in the ass though.

Xander tucked both containers into his pockets as Nyx, Carter, and Randall ambled over, locking him in an idle charter about video games. Easily leaning back against the rails, Xander rotated his hand, letting the red wine in his glass sloosh around the edge of the glass as his eyes drifted across the pool to the occupants of beach chairs. Two girls and two boys, Vera being the leader, debating something with her best friend Felt and her brother, Sirrus. Sage stood in the midst of it all, giggling at something one of them said before he turned in Xander's direction.