The Fish Song

Soldier

     My eyes were closed. I was trying to push any images that came flooding into my head, back into my past. "Harry?" My stomach was turning but I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I knew it wasn't like last time. None of this was like last time. I wanted it this time and I wanted it with Harry.

      "Yes?" I could feel his hands on my body. Every touch sending tingles throughout my whole body.

     "I need to tell you something." I took a deep breath, slowly opening my eyes. Harry was staring down on me, his arms on either side of me, holding himself above me. 

     "Anything," he said bringing his left hand up, moving a piece of fallen hair off of my face. I looked over at his right arm holding up this whole man. The muscles in his arms barely straining. I moved my eyes back to him taking another breath. "Are you okay, love?"

     "Yes. I am just nervous, I guess."

     "I am too. It's okay. It'll all be alright. It's just you and me. Just us. In this together," he said bring his head down to kiss me. Just him, I, and the lingering face in my head. I shook my head pushing all images, once again, out of view. When I was with Harry, his face was the only one I wanted to see.

     "Harry this, uhm, this is my first time," it was the last thing I wanted to say, and I didn't know how he would feel once I said it, but I knew he needed to know. His eyes went wide for a second but then his hand came down on my cheek, his thumb rubbing comforting circles. 

     "Oh. DJ, I want you to feel comfortable. We really don't have to do this. I want you to be sure," he said. His words sent comfort through me, but stopping was the last thing I wanted to do.

     "I am sure. I just wanted you to know," I said taking another deep breath. 

     "We'll go slow, love." He brought his hand down as he began to kiss his way back down my body.

***

     "How are you feeling?" Harry asked. My head was on his arm as we laid there entwined together. 

     "Is there a word for better than good?" Harry placed a kiss on my head with a chuckle. 

     "Great?" His voice sent a chuckle through me. I was feeling euphoria.

     "Euphoric." I felt better than great, there was no word for what I was feeling. Euphoria coming the closest. "Is that how it always is?" The only experience I had before this, didn't count, and this was something else, entirely. I had never felt anything like this in my life. 

     "I can't speak for everyone. But no I don't think it is. It has to be right," he said. Well this was right then, at least it was for me.

     "How are you feeling?" I asked bringing my eyes up to meet his. He smiled down on me. 

     "Euphoric," he said using my word. "Will you do something for me?" He asked bringing his hand up to the shelf above our heads. 

     "Anything." I knew in that moment I would do anything. I would give up anything, if he asked. It took him a minute to find what he was looking for, before he brought his hand back down. He used the arm I was laying on to grab my right hand. He brought his other hand to it, placing something on my thumb. 

     "Wear that for me?" I squinted in the dark trying to make out what it was. I brought my left hand from where it was tracing the ink on his waist, to my other hand, touching the object on my finger, and it began to move. 

     "Your peace ring?" I asked looking back up at him. "Why?"

     "Whenever you are scared or worried about something, I want you to look at it and think of me. Maybe it will bring you some peace." I couldn't help the tears that began to form. I pulled myself up into a sitting position facing Harry.  I placed both of my hands on his chest.