Those Who Spoon

Chapter Five

                                            Two years later

“I introduce to you . . . Ebenezer Soon, inventor of the S(p)oon!”

He rolled towards the stage, unable to keep a smirk of delight from making its appearance on his disfigured face as nearly everyone burst out in whoops and cheers. Polite people applauded loudly, forcing a smile as they saw him. Their horror would never fully disappear at his ugly outer shell, but that no longer bothered Ebenezer. He was rich; he had saved a large portion of the modern world with a simple invention. The S(p)oon was such a popular tool already that he knew it would not require a capital letter in the years to come. It would appear in the dictionary; it already had its own page in Wikipedia. He already had his own page on Wikipedia. Inventor, they called him. Genius. Lunatic. Idiot. Monster, still. It depended on the person.

Licking his lips, Ebenezer looked at the multicolored crowd. Woman in fancy dresses, men in tuxedos . . . who’d ever thought he’d be amongst them? Be their equal; superior even. Oh, how everyone was proud of him. People he had not heard of in the years during which he’d been in the hospital were now contacting him, eager to get a portion of his money or fame. But life did not work that way; he did not work that way. He would let them remain in the shadow, the way they had left him purposely in it out of shame.

Someone had lowered the microphone for him – how convenient. “Some years ago,” Ben began, “when I was still a young boy, I was known more for my looks than intelligence.” He grinned at the people watching him. “With good reason, too.”

They laughed courteously, and he waited patiently until the fake sound had faded. “I was well-liked by my peers. I had a beautiful girlfriend; a nice summer job as a waiter at the local restaurant. My life was great.” His eyes raked over the mass, holding the gaze of one scornful woman until she was scarlet with mortification at having been caught. It matched her white dress quite nicely, he thought contemptuously. “Then I had an accident. Laugh you may at the knowledge it had been caused by a piece of cutlery; a spoon, to be exact. But when you do chortle, remember that it broke my spine and caused me to roll straight into a fire. When I woke up again, I was faced with the consequences of my fall. Ladies and gentlemen – as you can see, I was disfigured for life. Life as I knew it was over.” You could hear the wind howl outside as the room fell quiet. As he’d expected, no one dared to laugh at him – not when he himself was present. “Two years; that’s the amount of time I spent in the hospital, where they tried to patch up my skin. I decided I’d had enough of surgeries.

Then I went home. After days, I decided what my fate was – to find something to replace the ordinary spoon. Ridiculous it may seem, but simple tools are much more dangerous than we consider them to be. You can choke on a spoon; have your brain spooned out; be conked on the head with one. And let’s not forget” – he winked – “trip over one.

And so, in my mind, I forged a spoon that would be a lesser danger to society. A spoon to which, if you unfold it, possesses both a knife and fork as well, so that you will not leave it lying around. A spoon made not of a metal that burns your tongue when heated, but always bamboo – an organic material. A spoon, whose slender handle is bent in such a way, ladies and gentleman, that it would be crushed if you stood on it; tripping is impossible. Thus, the S(p)oon was born.

I pray to the Lord Almighty that you may find it useful; that you will bathe in the glory of its success, as God’s precious flock. Thank you.”

The audience gave him a standing ovation; cameras flashed; businessmen nodded approvingly. One woman seemed to be sobbing with sheer joy, and although Ebenezer thought that was sort of crazy, he felt proud of himself – as he should be. If he could move this rich woman (judging by her pearl necklace, diamond earrings and slick, silk, silvery dress, at least) to tears, then he was more than just an inventor.