The Young and the Beautiful

Chapter 19

Time passed by fast and it is now Spring 1951, just a few months before Camila gives birth. I brought Camila in the emergency room because she experienced bleeding while doing her rose garden in the early morning. She started to cry and thought that she's going to lose our baby. I held her hand tight and told her that she won't lose it and that everything will be alright as long as I'm by her side.

I was sitting outside the doctor's office and looking at new fathers that held their babies in their arms and walked around the hallway. I was hoping that Camila won't lose it and hopefully our baby survives.

It was ten in the morning when I saw them rolling Camila's bed to her room. I accompanied her the whole day and waited by her side until she wakes up. Before sunset a doctor went in to check on her and talked to us about the situation.

"I'm going to be frank with you two." The doctor said. It looks like it's not good.

"Camila lost the baby. The baby was holding on weakly and then Camila lost him." The doctor said.

"She's safe now and out of danger. She needs to take the vitamins that we'll give her before she goes home." He added.

Camila sobbed when she knew that she lost our supposed to be first son and looked at me. The news made me sit down and made me star into nothing.

"Pancho. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lost our son." She said with her voice cracking while she was crying. I hugged her tight on her bed and made her feel that it's not her fault. The doctor excused himself after delivering the sad news.

"Don't say that, my love. It's not your fault. Nobody wanted this to happen." I said as she was buried deep in my arms. Why does she think that it's her fault? It's not her fault.

"I thought that we'll be complete this year. You me and a baby." She said.

"Do you think that a baby is the only thing that will make us a family?" I said.

"You can now legally leave me if they will say that I can't bear a child." She said.

"Of course I won't leave you. They might tell you that it's your responsibility to bear our child, that I can leave you if you won't." I said then paused. I put my hand on her cheeks, wiped her tears and looked at her face. I let out a deep sigh as she continued sobbing.

"They say that I can do it. But I won't." I said. Then I held her two hands by me.

"I won't leave you, because I cannot live without you." I said. I looked straight to her eyes that looked like a free flowing river.

"The two of us are already a family. Whether we'll be blessed with a child or not, my love for you will never change. You will not be less of a woman like what they might say, because you're all I need to be complete." I added.

I fell asleep at the chair beside her bed with my face tucked in her bed and woke up early the next day with neck and shoulder pains. When she was still asleep, I went to talk to a nurse and asked her where they took my son. They said that the fetus is in the morgue and we can take him with us and give him a Catholic burial.

I saw our son. He was as big as a little puppy and looked like a bean. I can't help but to cry when I saw him stiff and lifeless. I was holding it all in when I was with Camila because she needs to see that I'm strong and someone that she can rely on this situation.

"My son, we may not see you anymore, and you may not know us, but always remember that your mama and I love you. We will never forget you, please watch over us our little angel." I said, looking into his lifeless body.

We went home the next day together with our first born that we named Cristian Gabriel Rodriguez de Fàbregas, Camila placed his urn by our home altar. I called Camila's parents and assured them that their daughter is alright and has recovered. I called and informed my parents what happened. Máma cried when she heard that her supposed to be first grandson was lost. She told me that Andres and Victoria were expecting too.

"You shouldn't let your wife work, Pancho! I didn't raise you to make her work. That's what I told you! I told you that you should make enough for the both of you and stayed here instead. Now look what happened? She lost your son! You should blame yourself for this hijo." He said. I wasn't going to reply because I knew I wasn't going to win. He doesn't want me to work here and wanted me to make Camila stay at home and raise children. Then at some point, I realized that maybe he's right. Maybe Camila should just stay here. If she's just here and isn't doing strenuous activities she wouldn't lose our son. He's implying that I cannot be a good provider. He raised me and always told me that I need to do good to provide for my future family, and then he told me the same words again.

Camila kept on crying in front of the altar and kept on praying for our son.

"Take a rest now, Camila. The doctors wanted you to lie down." I said.

"I'm fine Pancho. I just can't believe everything. Cristian's gone and he's just inside that small jar." She replied.

"Come on. It's getting late now." I said. She nodded her head no again.

"I said let's go now and rest! That's the problem with you Camila! I asked you to stay at home on the later months of your pregnancy and just do light activities. But did you listen? Huh? Did you?" I said. I didn't notice that I raised my voice when I was talking to her.

"We lost Cristian because of you!" I said. I wasn't able to control the words that came out of my mouth. I even pointed a finger at her. Camila stood up from her seat and ran towards our room. She hasn't spoken to me ever since.

I took some brandy and thought about everything, from losing Cristian to the things that people say about me not making enough for the both of us. I called Richard and asked him about the horse breeding business. He said that he just sent one abroad and there were no current horses that we can send. Oh crap. I needed that money! I needed it to prove to pápa and to myself that I can give my family a good life even without his help.

Over the next months, Camila was indifferent to me. She was quiet and was just not the same woman I married years ago. I tried apologizing to her a lot of times but it's no use. She used to tell me everything about her day. Now, I'm lucky if she responds to me with a word or two. Was she still thinking about the words I said that night? Was she still thinking if I would leave her soon? I want to know what is she thinking about. I miss our son Cristian, but I also miss my wife.