An Indescribable Feeling

Observations and Realisations

Anna was wandering around backstage at the new venue. The boys were spread out all doing different things. Some were watching the others practice on stage and others were discussing styling and costumes with the staff. She found it interesting to see what it was like behind the scenes.

"Anna, would you mind helping out?"

Anna was taken by surprise when Namjoon called out to her. He was standing on the stage talking to a few members of staff, so she timidly made her way over to them. How could I be of help? Sensing her shyness, Namjoon smiled warmly at her. When Anna reached his side, he put his arm around her so that his hand was hovering behind her back, comforting but not touching.

"How can I help?"

"They want to test out the lighting for Jimin's solo, but he still dealing with a costume emergency."

"You mean the fact that all his tops defy gravity?"

"No! His jackets are too heavy, so they keep falling off his shoulders!"

Anna turned to see Jungkook sitting out in the audience and she giggled at his comment while Namjoon chuckled at the both of you.

"Right. So, we need you to fill in for him."

"Fill in?"

Anna looked at Namjoon in shock.

"Yeah, just walk through Jimin's performance so we can see how it looks with the light effects."

"You are the one closest to hyung's height!"

While she burst out laughing at Jungkook's teasing, Anna missed the way her soulmates looked at her as she laughed. Jungkook was proud of himself for making her laugh and Namjoon swore he would find ways to make Anna smile like that every day.

"Okay. Okay. So, Anna, start centre stage, then walk over to the left-hand side, then the right and then head down the walkway about halfway before coming back again to centre stage. Got it?"

Anna stared up at Namjoon with wide eyes and nodded. Luckily, she had watched all their performances a lot over the past few weeks or she would have been lost. Did Namjoon really think that explanation was enough?

"Great!"

As she stood in the centre of the stage Anna couldn't believe she had agreed to do this. Just walk around the stage. I can do this.

"Woo! Go Anna!"

She glanced over at Jungkook who was cheering for her with a huge grin on his face. Anna couldn't help but smile back. He's so cute! She nodded to herself. With her soulmate cheering her on she could do this, and she would do her best to make them proud.

-

On the side of the stage, Jin had joined Namjoon.

"Why did you ask her to fill in? Anyone could have done it."

"I thought maybe it would help her feel more included."

"So, you decided to put our shy, nervous, new little soulmate on stage?"

Jin stared at Namjoon with raised eyebrows. Seriously? Namjoon smiled back at him sheepishly.

"Ah, well, when you out it that way... But she didn't say no."

"Do you really think she would have said no to you asking her to help out?"

"If she really didn't want to do it, then yes, I think would have said no. I sense an inner strength in her."

Namjoon looked at Jin with a serious expression. Jin stared at Namjoon for a moment before nodding.

"She is definitely special."

The both of them watched their new soulmate closely as the music started.

-

When the music began Anna pictured Jimin's performance in her mind. They played the version with Jimin singing, so she couldn't help but sing along. There was something about BTS songs that always made Anna get lost in them and she couldn't help but sing and dance along. When the backup dancers surrounded her, she tried to copy their movements as best she could. She obviously didn't dance full-on, but she made small similar movements.

She was doing well and all her soulmates who were watching were pleasantly surprised at her performance. However, when she got to the part where she walked down the walkway reality seemed to hit Anna. It felt as though she had left the comfort of the stage with its walls and ceiling and dancers surrounding her and now, she was out in the open, exposed.

-

Backstage Jimin had just finished his meeting with the wardrobe department and was walking by when he noticed Namjoon and Jin watching something from the side of the stage. He went up behind them.

"What are you two watching?"

"Namjoon asked Anna to fill in for you."

Jimin heard his solo song playing and nodded. Hold on, did he say Anna?!

"Wait, did you say Anna?"

"Yep."

"In my defence she was doing really well."

"Was?"

Jimin peered around his Hyungs to see Anna standing alone on the walkway. She looked as though she had frozen. He couldn't bear to see her looking so uncomfortable and lonely. He glanced at his Hyungs in disbelief.

"Are you seriously just going to watch?"

Jimin didn't give them a chance to answer.

-

From the audience, Jungkook watched as Anna got more and more uncomfortable. She was barely singing along anymore and wasn't doing the dance she was doing before. He had thought she looked so cute doing her little matching movements to the dancers. Instead, she had wrapped her arms around herself, to Jungkook it looked as though she was holding herself together.

He was ready to jump up on stage and save her when he noticed a figure dashing down from the stage towards Anna.

-

Anna was lost. She knew this would happen. She wasn't made to be on stage, it wasn't where she was supposed to be. Her shy personality meant that she could never be a performer, that she would never be good enough.

A figure slammed into her and would have knocked her over if they hadn't wrapped their arms around her to stop her from falling. If her heart hadn't been racing already, it would have been then. Anna turned her head to see Jimin's smiling face hovering over her shoulder.

Jimin started by singing in her ear and swaying them both as he held her in his arms. Then he held her arms and began to move them, as if she was a puppet and he was pulling the strings, making her dance. When she began laughing at his antics, he spun her around, grabbed her hand and then began to run back to the main stage dragging her behind him.

When they reached the main stage for the last chorus, Jimin started doing the proper choreography. As Anna stood on that stage and watched Jimin perform, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like, performing, singing, every day, for a living.

It wasn't the first time the thought had passed her mind. Since becoming a fan of BTS it had crossed her mind more and more often. Some days she thought she could do it, others she told herself she was being ridiculous. Sometimes she found it hard to watch BTS living the dream that she knew she could never fulfil herself. She would quickly dismiss those thoughts, they deserved it. Her soulmates were some of the most talented people she knew. They had worked hard to achieve their dream.

Slowly Anna backed away from Jimin, before turning and leaving the stage. Sending Namjoon and Jin a small smile of reassurance as she passed them by.

What she didn't know was that one of her soulmates had seen the longing in her eyes.