Christmas Extra

Sore Rump

The assistant director turned out to be Beth. She had gathered a few of us together to discuss the first scene. I found myself in full Elf getup, standing next to a girl who seemed to be a pixie and a couple of kids, who all looked very serious and ready to get into character right away.

"So, in this scene, Gary Anderson will be playing the lead Elf. He has already performed a song and dance with the main characters and now he has walked onto the snow and notices you playing snowballs." Beth pointed to the boy and girl who were probably about twelve. One was blonde and dressed like she'd just walked out of a Disney parade, in really bright primary colours. The other was in torn jeans and had a very expensive looking wooden jumper. Both had gloves and scarves on. It seemed unreal considering the temperature was already about fifteen degrees and it was only about 9am.

Garry Anderson was a fairly big star these days, having just had an Emmy winning TV series about a doctor who started his own surgery in Alaska. He probably was fed up with real snow and ice and decided to try some fake stuff instead.

"What do we say?" asked the girl, curiously.
"Make it up," said Beth, forthright. "Just look like you're having the time of your life. Think of what you would normally say to a brother if he challenged you to a snowball fight."
"So we pretend to be dodging and move around a bit?" asked the boy in a very Oxford/Cambridge sort of posh accent.
Beth nodded. "There is probably gonna be lots of music over the top of it and we can always add additional dialogue if we need it afterwards."

She then turned to me and pixie girl. "So, both of you are riding today. You will come round the cove onto the snow beach and we will add some magic afterwards to make it look like you materialised from the sea. So make sure you stay close to the water. Garry's character will beckon you towards him and you will come to a standstill one behind the other. Who wants to lead?"
"She does. Ladies first and all that," I piped up quickly without even giving myself time to think.
"Yeh, I'm fine with that," came the pixie, with a friendly southern accent.
"Great! Kids, go and sit over on the rocks while I introduce the elves to their rides."

As we rounded the other side of the cove, trying to avoid a few trailing wires, there stood two beautiful horses, waiting patiently and eating hay from head bags.
"I'm Tom, by the way," I said to the pixie, who was about to be my filming mate for the day.
"Louise. Call me Lou."
She smiled sweetly and went to pat one of the horses on the neck. "I was starting to think we were riding actual reindeer then. Those antlers would have been irritating."
I patted my horse in the same manner and it didn't flinch. I was so worried that it might sense my anxiety but it's initial reaction put me more at ease. I was going to have to remember the few times as a kid that I rode a seaside donkey. How hard could it be, after all?

Both horse trainers invited us to jump on and I watched to see how Lou did it. She patted the neck once more and threw herself onto it, from a small step that had been placed nearby. I immediately got onto my step, patted my horse again and leaped on, swinging my leg fully over, while she remained sidesaddle.

'Neigh. Brrrrrr,' went the horses in unison.
"Good show, now it is just a waiting game," said Beth before disappearing around the corner once more.
As the nose bags were removed, I held my breath. Luckily my one remained still. Lou's one was jiggling about a bit but she seemed to find a way to keep it happy.
So what next? Did I just sit here for the next few hours? My bum already felt uncomfortable and my muscles were straining as my thighs seemed to clasp tightly on the saddle. Numb bums was the name of the game. Just as I got my head around the idea of being sat in agony for a while, Beth came back and yelled, "Right, time for a practise run. Follow me onto the set."

After about three steps I realised this riding malarkey was painful. Every movement felt like a jolt. Every time it lifted its leg my bum felt like it was being pummelled.

"We can do this!" came Lou's enthusiastic call as she led the way onto the snow beach.