Christmas Extra

Bluff and Nonsense

Coming round that corner, the snow beach was full of all sorts of busy people. The kids were over on one corner practising a snow fight. Two weather-proofed cameras were being set up; one in the middle and another perched on a guy's shoulder. Several people buzzed around and most of them had earphones on or were carrying bits and bobs. Nobody seemed to notice us plodding into the cove, which made me feel a bit more comfortable, as we clearly weren't attracting too much attention.

"Keep it steady!" called Beth as she led us slowly into the middle of the scene.

"Whoa, boy!" said Lou as her horse came across the swell from a surprisingly big wave, which whipped against its knees.
I patted my horse's neck, desperate to keep it calm. Luckily the froth of the water wasn't too bad for us. There was always a chance that a random surge might just cause the horses to retreat. Or worse still... to bolt even.

"And stop."
A man in a very shiny blue suit, covered in sparkly stars and crystals, appeared from nowhere.
"So, you guys are my magic elves? Perfect."
Garry Anderson's suave voice was easily recognisable and his cheesy smile, which I'd assumed was fake, turned out to be moulded to his face. The level of Botox apparent was blinding.
"After the snowball fight and you getting the kids attention, you can call for the elves and miraculously they'll appear," said Beth, in a matter of fact way.
Lou's horse was switching its tail like mad as another small wave tickled its thighs.
"Easy, boy." I could sense a sudden unease in Beth's voice. Looking over to her, I could see that her cheeks were as red as roses and she seemed to be breathing faster and more shallow than last time I checked on her.

"You know your line, right?" asked Beth, turning to her, expectantly.
Lou seemed distracted by her saddle.
Garry smiled wider than ever.
"I say my line. You say?.."
He clapped his hands and opened them out as if he were doing jazz hands towards Lou.
My horse was incredibly still but Lou's had started jiggling about, each buttock bouncing up and down and the clearly frightened animal seemed to sway from left to right.

It soon became clear that Lou was staring fearfully at a crab which currently was lurking just underneath her horse's belly.
My fella pulled his head away as if looking vaguely out to sea. At this exact moment, the horse in front threw up its back legs and flung poor Lou sidewards into the thick fake snow.

It was as if mine was reading the signals. We managed to avoid the kicking horse shoes and most of the spray of white powder. Beth and Garry were not so lucky. Their faces were smudged with white and froth snuck out of Garry's smile as he spoke. "Somebody get her an ambulance!"
After throwing up its feet, her horse did a full 360 and cantered back to where we had started.

A trainer suddenly grabbed my reigns and led us back too. As I glanced back over my shoulder, I could see Beth still laying face down, with people fussing over her and a paramedic making her way through the snow.

That was a close call for us. As I got back onto the step, my legs felt unsteady and I found myself walking over to the sea wall, leaning on it and taking a deep breath. "God, I hope Lou is alright," I said to whoever was nearby.
"She'll need to get checked over, that's for sure. Only one elf left now. The focus will be on you."

My eyes were bleary and it took me a moment to recognised Christine standing over me, eyeing up my robe, before placing her hands on my collar and readjusting it. "At least you get to say a line, now," she said, with a calmly reassuring look on her face.

What? I never signed up for this! Say a line? A LINE?! Ever since I messed up my speech in the nativity play, I vowed never to speak in public again.
I might as well have just ripped off the jacket and legged it there and then.