Yours [Prim/Cato]

Chapter 40 - Choices

CATO:

Long hours passed in the blink of an eye, and I felt myself losing time. It was like there was a timer etched in my brain, reminding me that I only had five hours left to try and do anything to change my fate. I had, to some extent, accepted the fact that I was most likely going to die, but I couldn't help but feel as though I can do something to change it.

I knew Rose wasn't going to forgive me, but I still had that stupid fucking hope that she would just let it go. But why the hell would she? I've done so much that if I was in her situation, I would watch myself being killed with a smile.

All I had to do was wait, and so that was what I did. I waited... And waited... And waited until I couldn't wait anymore. But even then, I still waited because that was all that I could do.

I hadn't planned on telling Rose about the deal that because I didn't want to have to force her into making a decision about me. Knowing her well, if I would have told her before giving her a chance, she would've forgiven me without even thinking about it. Rose is too predictable sometimes.. She would rather live through the suffering in her heart than let me go so easily.

Even though I don't want to admit it, it hurt like hell hearing her say no, hearing her tell me she wasn't going to do this with me anymore. It was scary, almost like a bad dream that I couldn't escape from. I wanted it to be over, to let it pass and move on from it forever, but knowing myself, it would just be a matter of time before I did the same thing to her again. I was tired of it, tired of all of the bullshit and the struggling, and I knew she was, too.

I had to leave her one last thing, though, something to remember me by... My last apology to her.

My hands fumbled around until I found a pen and some paper. I let her words guide my mind, my hand and my heart, and I just began to write.

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I remember the first day all of this started. I had one goal in mind, and that was to win the Games. That had been my goal since I was nine years old. I would kill everyone off and then the Careers and make it back home in the blink of an eye. That was my goal, my only goal...

But then there was the reaping.

Although I watched the entire thing and saw every tribute, I just couldn't seem to forget about you. The brave girl that didn't let her sister volunteer for her. Only 15 years old, having more courage than anyone I have ever known. You stood there firmly and told your sister that it was your turn to protect her, and everyone could see it in your eyes. Even though your legs shaked, and you walked with uncertainty, you made it onto that stage and stood there proudly.

The day we watched the reaping, Clove threatened to take you first, but I punched her in the nose. Thinking about it now, it was hilarious, probably the funniest thing I've done since leaving Two, but honestly, that was the first time I vowed to protect you. Nothing and no one would stand in my way of getting you. Not her, and not anyone else.

And then I saw you, in the flesh, for the first time right before our Tribute's Parade. You were like nothing I had ever seen before. The way that black suit clung to your delicate frame, and how your hips swayed, but not too much, as though you were aware of how insecure you were in such a tight outfit. Your body was the most exquisite thing I had ever seen, with you small waist and slightly wide hips, your perfectly rounded chest, those slim legs... perfection is what I would call you, even more so now.

I wanted to do something to get you to notice me, but you were too busy talking to Peter to notice. I was seriously contemplating walking up to you and just stealing you away from him, but I didn't need to. Because in a split second, your eyes began wandering, searching for what I later realized was me.