14. Broken and Barely Breathing

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Jessie's sleep was plagued with images of crumbling stones and the sound of crying babies. It all felt so real, an endless circle of orphans crying as ancient bricks buried their parents. Fathers who would never know their children.

She woke up in a cold sweat, her chest aching, fear still gripping her even from beyond the realm of nightmares. It took her a few moments to steady her breathing and come to terms with the fact that she was in her bed, safe.

It took another few seconds to realize that she was alone. Beating back the lingering tendrils of her nightmare, she sat up and turned on the night lamp. Jimmy's side was indeed empty, the sheets unruffled. He hadn't even come to bed. The clock next to the lamp showed it was almost three thirty in the morning.

The pain inside her chest intensified and she hoped he was at least home this time. She got out of bed and first checked the bathroom, then stepped out and made her way across the hall to the kids' room.

Robin slept peacefully in his bed, his face half buried in the pillow. Jessie ruffled his caramel hair and placed a kiss on his forehead before pulling the cover over him. Julia had also kicked the covers off, but was otherwise unmoving in her crib, which was rare. Jessie ran her hand through her black curls and gave her cheek a kiss before tucking her in and heading back out in search of Jimmy.

It didn't take her long to find him in his home office, the light of the laptop throwing grim shadows on his face. He looked exhausted as he fumbled with something which lay behind the screen.

"Jimmy, what are you doing?" she whispered.

He raised his eyes and she was shocked by the exhaustion and helplessness in them.

"Hi, sunshine. Why aren't you sleeping?"

Why aren't you? But she could tell chiding him would lead nowhere. She'd been doing it for the past two weeks. So, instead, she walked to him and propped her butt against the desk.

"I had a nightmare."

"I'm sorry."

She was sorry, too, but not like she could avoid them. Even after everything they had been through, her night terrors had faded over the years and had never been as bad as his. But now they were back full force, tormenting her, making it impossible to rest sometimes.

"It's not your fault. What are you working on?"

He gave her a curious glance, as if he wasn't sure exactly why she wasn't getting on his case for working in the middle of the night. Instead he nodded towards the keyboard. His watch lay right next to it, opened up. Tiny tools were splayed around it.

A knot lodged itself in her throat. Yes, of course. The watch. The damn watch which was eating their sanity.

"Any luck with it?"

"No."

There was so much defeat in that one word. She bit her lip so hard it hurt. "Then maybe you should just..."

"Give up?"

"Let it be."

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes, and she felt even worse if possible. But she couldn't deny it any longer. The hope was killing her. And after the news of Kay's pregnancy, it was even worse. She couldn't keep numbing her pain, claiming it was irrational. And seeing Jimmy like this as well... Tears escaped down her cheeks, but she wiped them away. This wasn't about her at the moment.

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