Stolen Lullaby

I Am So Sorry

I knew what I did was wrong... But I couldn't stop myself. Taylor and Joe had everything they could ever want in life, great careers, beautiful homes and an unlimited amount of money. Aside from the material things they had a wonderful marriage surrounded by loving friends and family. Originally the housekeeping agency had contracted me to help them around the house two times a week. Taylor was pregnant and trying to finish up the re-recordings of her albums as soon as possible before the baby came. She would come downstairs between recording sessions and chat with me. I was always so shocked at how nice and personable she was, when Joe wasn't off on location he would hang around to chat as well, we clicked and became friends quickly. As her pregnancy progressed Taylor began to need more help, as much as she prided herself on taking care of things around the house herself, her back pain and fatigue began to take its toll. Eventually they asked if I could work five days instead of two. I gladly accepted as it never felt like much of a job, more like helping a friend out.

It's hard to hard for me to pinpoint when things in my heart changed. Maybe it was the fancy baby shower Blake threw in the backyard. Or perhaps it was when the designer nursery furniture arrived along with the professional interior decorator. It all seemed over the top for one child. One night after tidying up loose end and preparing to go home, it struck me what had been knowing at me. Passing by the living room on my way out I saw Taylor and Joe sitting close to one another on the couch, their hands intertwined resting over her nearly due baby bump. At that moment no one else in the world existed to them. They softly talked about their hopes and dreams for their child. It hit me like a ton of bricks, those two had everything I wanted for myself. The seed of jealousy had been planted and I couldn't stop it.

And then Louise made her entrance into the world. As soon as they brought her home from the hospital and put her in my arms I was entranced. In those fuzzy exhausting first days of parenthood I happily volunteered to take the baby whenever Taylor and Joe went through the rigors of sleepless nights and fussy colic.

"Go back to sleep, I got this" I'd say as one of them stumbled into the nursery despite having just gotten the baby to sleep 15 mins earlier.

"Are you sure?" Joe would ask. "I know she's giving everyone with ears a hard time right now."

"Believe me, it's fine!" I'd reassure him. Too tired to protest he'd practically sleepwalk back to their bed. As Louise grew and started sleeping through the night Taylor and Joe eased into a schedule of their own. I was no longer needed to stay overnight.

"Go home and rest, you've earned it!" Taylor said. I smiled and thanked her, but inside I was deeply unhappy. One afternoon when I was working my regular day shift the security detail mentioned that Taylor and Joe were planning to take some time off from their careers and were not going to need fulltime staff. Hearing this made me panic, being away from Louise would destroy me. We had formed a bond during these months and I felt that she was just as much my baby as she was theirs. They couldn't take her away from me, I wouldn't let them. The plan was that they were going to spend the next half of the year in London. Since they had spent half of the year in the US near Taylor's family they thought it would be a good idea to split the other half of the year in the UK to let Louise grow close to Joe's family as well. When they formally told me that my services would no longer be needed they couldn't have been kinder. They let it be known that I was still considered a dear friend and would always be welcome in their home. They also offered to pay me a year's salary until I found another placement. I humbly accepted their offer, but inside I was crumbling and knew I would have to act fast.

I started casually dropping by the security room to chat up the guards. I'd ask them all sorts of questions about the cameras and what they'd be looking for day and night. Soon I learned all about the angles and blind spots. I only had one chance and couldn't mess it up.

On Sept 5th I waited until they left for the park and went up the front gate telling the security that I needed to pick up a pay cheque they'd left for me. He buzzed me in without question.

"By the way I'll just use the back entrance on my way out, no need to wait to open the gate to let me out." I called out to him. The guard nodded and gave me a dismissive wave. I went inside and made my way to one of the guest bedrooms, I knew there was no camera in that room so there I waited. The night passed on, the sounds of family life went on. Sounds of dinner plates being cleared, Joe splashing Louise in the tub during bath time and finally the quiet hum of Taylor's lullaby. I must have nodded off myself because when I awoke and looked at my watch it was 2:30 am. Everyone must be long asleep by then. I creaked the door open and made my way down the hallway making sure to only stay in the places the security cameras wouldn't see me. Padding into the nursery I lifted Louise out of her crib, holding her to my chest. Luckily she only woke up for a brief moment before settling back to sleep. Holding her close to me under my sweater I hurried down my planned route through the maze like house. Down the halls and out of the side entrance behind the chef's kitchen. I had purposely left the door ajar earlier so I wouldn't need to fuss with the handle. I ran outside down the quiet path Taylor had lovingly nicknamed "The Secret Garden." Into the night we disappeared just Louise and I.

I hurried to my car placing the still sleeping baby in a basket draped with a blanket in the backseat. As I started the car and began to drive away tears streamed down my face. Were they tears of relief, sadness or fear I wasn't sure.

I knew what I did was wrong. I never wanted to cause Taylor and Joe any pain they'd never been anything but good to me. I was so very sorry for what I had done but they had everything, could I have just this one thing for myself? I reasoned with myself that they undoubtedly would have another child. In time they would forget Louise and form a new family... they'd have no choice but to, because there was no way I was turning back.