In Five Years

Chapter 10

Maddie

Four years ago

"Maddie, you know I'm going to miss you, right?"

My stomach is in knots as he stares down at me. He's leaning against his car, which is now filled to the rim with all of his stuff for college. I knew he'd be leaving, but I didn't think it'd come this soon.

I bite down on my lip to try and keep the tears at bay. "I'm going to miss you too, Cam."

Pulling me into his chest, I inhale the scent of his cologne. It's no use anymore. The tears come out uncontrollably into his t-shirt, and he grips me tighter, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"You can call me anytime," he says. "I know we decided on this five-year plan to figure things out, but I'm always going to be here for you, Mads. Always."

I nod, still unable to do anything but cry. A part of me wants to change my mind. I want to tell him to just forget what I said. We'll find a way to make this work. We can try to do long distance.

But he needs to focus. This is his dream. I don't want to be the reason he messes up. Right now he's doing okay, and I'm doing okay too. We can be friends until we're out of college, right? We can follow the five-year plan.

"I know I said the last time was the last time..." He pulls away and grips tightly on my chin. "But I—"

Pressing my lips against his, I feel his body completely relax into mine. He moves his hands down to squeeze gently onto my ass before he runs them up to get tangled in my hair.

I haven't kissed him for months. The last time this happened was at the state championship, and yet nothing seems to have changed. I still can't seem to stop kissing him.

He feels so good. He's holding onto me like it's the last time he ever will, and I pray to god I'm wrong.

"Fuck, Maddie." He pants heavily and heaves out a sigh. "You sure about this five-year plan?"

I nod and wipe away more of my tears. "Yes. It's for the best."

"I know. Sorry." He shakes his head and moves away from me. I try to ignore how fucking lonely I already feel. "I shouldn't have done that, but If I'm being honest I haven't been okay since we ended things. The thought of not seeing you sucks, Mads."

"I believe it was me that kissed you," I remind him. "And I know. It's been hard for me too. But this is for the best, Cam."

I keep repeating myself, and the more I do I wonder if I'm trying to convince myself rather than him. 

"Just promise that you won't forget about me." He begs. "I don't want to lose you, Maddie. I know you said not to wait for you, but I will never feel this way about anyone else. I'm waiting for you, and I don't care what you have to say about it."

"Cam, stop." I'm sobbing now, trying to catch my breath. "I-I don't know if this is the right decision, but I just don't want to get hurt, you know? I don't want you to find someone else, and I hate that you're going to be so far away. I can't do long distance because the thought of being away from you is agonizing for me, and I—"

"Hey." He tries to calm me down, but it's useless. I'm a complete and utter wreck. "Mads, it's okay. It's going to be okay. We will just see how being friends goes, okay? We will try to follow the five-year plan."

"B-but what if it doesn't work? What if you find someone else? What if you forget about me?"

He laughs, and I try to remember how it sounds.