Author: wolfgirltilly8914
Book Title: Hybrids Possession
Title
The title is straightforward, but you've made a mistake (unless I misunderstood the meaning of the title). It should be "Hybrid's" with an apostrophe, and I wonder why no one has mentioned it.
Cover
The title should stand out more, and the letters aren't clear. The photo doesn't have a high quality either, and to be honest, the photo promises a steamy story, probably smut. If that's what you were going for, you succeeded.
Blurb
The blurb is interesting, and you introduced the main characters nicely. There are some grammatical mistakes and some punctuation errors. For example, you shouldn't separate the subject with the verb. Therefore, there shouldn't be a comma after the male lead's name. Also, expressions like "too bad because", "Not to mention gorgeous as they come", "too bad he's a prick" shouldn't be used when writing but only when talking with friends.
Opening chapter
I liked that you started the story right in the middle of the action and didn't spend time with a lot of unnecessary information.
Your descriptions were great but maybe you didn't have to use so much information. For example, is that important to get into so much detail about the blonde woman's appearance? (I don't know if she's an important character later, so I'll leave that up to you.)
Plot
My favorite chapter was the "Plan in motion". It had some great descriptions but, also, character development, world-building, and the plot moved forward. But it was also a chapter with a lot of info dump. It felt more like a monologue. It should be more natural, each detail and part of the story shown while Kayden acts or talks with his friends. The problem with first person pov is that extensive narration can lead to info dump.
Apart from the sexual part and the male toxicity, I like the world-building, the mystery, and the secrets of Ellie's past.
Characters
I usually try to be objective, but I can't help but write about the male lead. He is toxic. I've read his background, and it looks like he wants to protect her (but also use her power). However, being powerful is no excuse to treat someone like that. She doesn't know him, and yet he intimidates her, he makes fun of her, and all that sexual ideas and hints are too much for a first meeting. He might know who she is but that gives him no right to do that. What I'm trying to say is that there should be consent. I know that type of story is popular on Wattpad, especially among teenagers, but that doesn't make it right.
Ellie, on the other hand, seems like a nice girl but, even though, how powerful and scary he and his family are, she feels sexually attracted to him without even having a good view of him. Also, in the first chapter, while she's sitting next to her brother, one second she's shy and weak and the next, she's asking boldly. Then, she's weak again. You should be more consistent with her character.
SPaG
Use a comma at the end of the dialogue if a dialogue tag follows. Don't forget to capitalize all names (I think Martin didn't have a capital "M" all the time). Also, "threshold" is one word, not two.
I advise you not to use "Ellie" or any character's name to show whose pov it is. Each character should have their voice, showing exactly whose pov it is. It might be a matter of preference, though, but the important thing is to have unique characters with unique voices. Oh, and don't mix povs. For example, there was a paragraph in chapter 5 when Ellie remembers a few moments with Liz where you changed to third person pov. Be careful with that.
There were a few other mistakes regarding grammar and punctuation, but I'm not an editor to point out all of them. Joining a book club is a great idea. I noticed that a few people have already helped you.
Overall impression
You have some great description skills, but your story isn't my cup of tea. I liked that you used more creatures, like fae, and not only the usual werewolves and vampires, but I believe your story would be better without that toxic behavior from your male protagonist. It's your story, of course, so you choose what to do with it.
Best of luck with whatever you write next!
YOU ARE READING
Cassie's Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)
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