Never Bend

chapter 26: Spinning

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Anxiety:

When you don't know what to expect,When you have no control,It takes hold of you,It prevents you from acting as you normally would.

Xoxo
MJ1
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Days go by, busy between my life as a human, my life as a mage, and my life as a wolf, struggling to find my balance between them. How do I put the broken pieces of my life back together? As if that weren't enough, sharing my thoughts with Leah isn't going well either. I can't find peace, not even in my dreams, which are filled with vivid memories that interrupt my sleep. The magic holding them back is fading, and with each dream I reclaim a new piece of my life and more power to tame. How much power do I have? Tom asked me to keep up appearances with Lina. I can't do more than two abilities because that's the norm, but I have more. Tom is trying to help me figure out the extent of my powers.

Unable to get back to sleep, I kick the covers off. It's too early to be getting ready for college. I pull up my protective dome, just in case, I can't wake Tom, he's sleep-deprived from being the one to wake me from my nightmares. A castle, shackles, people crying, this nightmare is the worst, but it's too irregular to make sense of it. Tom thinks Davon took me to where he was holding the villagers to use them for some experiments, but it's still just a guess.

I brush my teeth harder than necessary and scold myself when I spit blood into the sink. My wolf gene comes in handy to speed up the healing process from the many accidents I keep making. I'm such a mess. Philippe and Tom know about Leah, but I have to hide my magic from Phil. Although I want to avoid Phil and the constant stress, Tom wants me to train as much as possible and learn to live with Leah.

I wash my face with cold water, knowing that no medicine will help me through this. Groaning, I notice that my fingers are red. Winter is coming and the water is quite cold. Some days the soil Is iced. Turning off the water, I add soap to a rag and scrub my face as if I hadn't done it for a year. Then I rinse it.

At first I didn't want to train at all, until Tom explained that the Council could come and get me. They could even force me to go to boot camp. Phil would probably be the one to give the order if I failed to show control over my wolf.Washing my face mercilessly, I groan as a red scratch appears under my eyelid. Then I realize I've already washed my face. Mumbling incoherently, I rinse off the soap for a second time and return to my room to brush my hair.

On the plus side, I know more about Leah and what she's capable of. For now, I can only hold out the foolish hope that the magic or the wolf will go away, but I am losing hope. Why can't I have a normal life and fit in like everyone else? Why did it have to be me? When I scratch my arm, a hiss comes out of my mouth when a fingernail breaks where it shouldn't. I have been scratching my skin for weeks. The stress is driving me crazy.

I had hoped to get my powers under control and be accepted back into the family, but that too is turning to dust. I am falling apart, I am in a dragon in the middle of nowhere and it is falling. My shoulders slump, I tap my chest quickly, my breathing returns to normal. I go to the closet and get undressed.

Today I woke up crying again in the middle of the night. Tom woke me up when he cast a spell to cover my magic. I damn well did magic in my sleep again. Tonight it was gentle magic, but when my dreams are messy, so is the magic, and Tom ends up with his hands full.