How to Love Again (Book 1)

Broken

Trigger Warning: Physical and verbal abuse, mention of rape

I turn around and there he is. My demon. The monster under my bed.

"Gary. What..." I can't form a sentence. I take a step back and brace myself against the brick wall behind me, but this only encourages him to come closer.

"How are you here?" I spit out. "You're supposed to be in rehab."

"Oh darling. You didn't hear? I was such a good boy that they let me go early." There's malice in his tone. He steps nearer still. "I had a therapist. A fucking therapist. Don't you worry, I told her all about you; the stupid bitch that put me in the loony-bin. She soon helped me to realise that you did it for my benefit as well as yours. And boy did it have it's benefits. It was great, I didn't have to pay her a penny. But I sure made it worth her while," he smirks.

When it clicks in my mind what he means, I recoil in disgust. "You're a sick man, Gary. But tell me, was it consensual or did you fucking rape her too?" I can't keep the venom out of my tone.

"Oh please. I only made you understand what you really wanted." He's so close I can feel the breath on his face.

"You certainly made me understand what I didn't want, that's for sure."

"When are you going to realise that you're not good enough for precious Jamie Campbell Bower? What can you give him, hmm? Nothing apart from broken bits and pieces."

"How did you-"

"And when are you going to realise that I'm the best you're ever going to get?" He grabs my arm.

This is just like my nightmare.

"Gary. Let me go. Now."

"You don't give me orders like I'm a fucking dog. You're the only bitch around here." He sends me sprawling to the ground with a sharp slap on my cheek.

(Jamie's POV)

We're still doing the read-through when I see the empty chair in the corner. I feel terrible - I didn't even notice she'd gone.

"Uh, could we take 5?" I ask the producer. "I need a minute."

Thankfully, she agrees and I go to look for y/n. When I don't find her, I ask Jerry if he's seen her.

"Yeah man, she just went out back."

I open the back door and step outside, and the first thing I see is this great thug of a man towering over y/n. I immediately know who he is.

"Gary," my voice is like ice. "Get. The fuck. Away. From my girlfriend."

He sneers at me. "This thing? She couldn't be someone's girlfriend if she tried. All she's good for is a couple of fucks and then you can throw her out. Eventually she'll come crawling back to me because she can't do any better."

I don't want to listen to anything else he has to say. I throw a punch that splits open his lip, grab his jacket and shove him against the wall.

"Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare talk about her that way. It's you who doesn't deserve her you scummy piece of shit. Perhaps you should find a raccoon, I hear they're fond of the trash. Or better yet, go back to your secretary."

He opens his mouth to retort, but I don't give him the chance. I punch him again and his head slams against the wall. He falls to the floor, unconscious.

I knock on the door for it to be opened.

"Jerry, do me a favour and get the bastard the fuck away from here."

He seems to understand the gravity of the situation, because he drags Gary away. No questions asked.

(Y/n's POV)

I'm still on the ground when Jerry takes Gary away. I'm vaguely aware of Jamie crouching next to me and pulling me into a hug, but I can't comprehend anything he says to me. I can only hear Gary's words playing over and over in my head.

Not good enough.

Broken.

Throw her out.

Can't do any better.

I don't even notice when the tears start to fall. I cry silently into Jamie's shoulder as he holds me and rocks me gently back and forth.

He tenderly kisses my cheek where a red hand-shaped mark has bloomed.

"Y/n? Can you stand up?"

I snap back to reality and nod at him. He helps me up and, now that he's returned, Jerry opens the door to let us inside.

After sitting in a chair for a moment, Jamie goes to the producers and explains what happened and that he's going to take me back to the hotel. I overhear a snippet of the conversation.

"Jamie, I swear to god if you leave now then you're done. You won't be in the film."

"Are you kidding me? Can't you see she's shaken up by this? I have to take care of her."

"It's the movie or her."

Lily slides into the conversation. "Come on Jamie baby, she can take care of herself. This is more important."

"First of all," he snaps, "Do not call me baby. Second of all, if you make me choose between my job and my girlfriend... I'll choose her. Every time. Fuck your movie, you can find someone else."

He storms over to me and together we leave the movie set. We don't look back.

We're in a cab on our way to the hotel when it finally processes what happened.

"Jamie," I gasp, "the movie!"

He takes my hand in his. "Y/n, I don't want you to worry about that. I meant what I said. You're far more important to me and I'll always put you first."

I can't help but to think about Gary on the drive. Rehab was supposed to help him get better. The only thing he did it seems is quit the drink and practice fucking anything that walked. A bitter taste fills my mouth.

"Stop the car!" I shout. As soon as we pull over, I open the car door and throw up onto the pavement. Jamie pulls my hair out of the way and rubs my back with a sad sigh. I rinse my mouth with some water before sagging back in my seat.

"Are you alright?" he asks, worried.

"Yeah I'm ok, I just... I hate that he still has any kind of power over me, you know? We're happy together. You make me so happy, but a couple of words and he comes crashing back in to destroy it all."

"Hey, look at me."

"I can't," I whisper.

"Why not?"

"Because he's right." I pick at my nail varnish as I talk. "No matter how much I try and deny it, I am broken.  And it's all his fault." I pull a hangnail in anger which causes it to bleed.

(Jamie's POV)

"Stop it," I say sternly as I take her hands in mine. "You are not broken. You are so much stronger than that and I only wish you could see what I see."

It kills me to see her like this. Tears threaten to spill from her eyes.

"You have come such a long way from the woman I first met. You used to hide your back, your scars, now you wear them with pride. You used to flinch at every single touch, now you stand your ground. So what if you haven't completely healed yet? That does not for one second mean that you're broken and I love you just the way you are."

She kisses me with so much fire and passion. I think she's finally starting to believe what I tell her.

"It's not too late you know. We can still turn around, they might let you do the movie?"

"No," I shakes my head, "I could never work with people who expected me to choose them over you."

"You'd always choose me?"

"Always."