Destined

11

Yaz

20 years old.

2 years later, in Tokyo, Japan.

Itʻs been two weeks since Iʻve seen Lyn. My papa died Two weeks ago.

It was the night I completed my mission. That night I ran into Isamu.

He died from a stroke at his desk. I found his body in his office.

So Iʻve been on a two week drinking bender.

My body is swaying too much, my vision blurring with my mind. I could still feel the drugs in my system, my thoughts a mixture of Haru and my papa. A part of me still thinks about Isamu in my grief.

I have to talk to Lyn, Iʻve been cruel.

I stumble through Lyn's house trying to make my way to her room. 

 It's dark inside, the light of the hallway illuminating the inside and I see him. Heʻs propped over her and there is a panting noice as they fuck. My eyes widen and there is an ache in my chest.

I've been cruel?

They donʻt seem to notice me as they continue to move rhythmically, sounding out of breath. Lyn runs her hands over his back just as her hair moves out of her face. Sweaty and out of breath and I feel a sharp pain of betrayal. There was a part of me that hoped it wasnʻt her. That it was a misunderstanding.

I try to say her name but no sounds come out. She knows how much I loved him. She knew everything and still she-

I cut the thought off, clenching my fist so that my nails painfully dig into my palm. My eyes are watering just as Iʻm about to leave, her eyes glance lazily towards me and widen when she sees me.

Panic in her eyes and realization but no denial to what she's doing and I feel disappointed. Her movements stop and Isamu must feel her tense because his gaze meets mine but there is no vulnerability, no feeling and he doesnʻt stop pushing in and out of her, he just continues like he never saw me, sweat gleaming on his skin.

I back away, feeling sober and I stumble away.

He ruins everything. He always has.

I shut the front door to her house, banging my head against the closed door.

Fuck.

I hit my hand against the door, pushing myself off it. I call a ride home.

When I crawl into my bed, I curl into a ball, trying to hold myself together.

Now Iʻm truly alone.

They are together.

Shutting my eyes tightly I try to imagine a better world where my brother is still alive. Where my mother wasnʻt a drug addict. Where Iʻm not as fucked up as her. Where weʻre happy. I try to Imagine a world where my best friend wasnʻt fucking the guy Iʻve been in love with forever.

I imagine a place where Iʻm not alone.