Dumped!

Dumped (21)

21

JEREMY'S P.O.V.

I fingered the lettering on the headstone, and crouched down. To think that she was only a few feet below me, and yet, so far gone.

 At first, I wasn't sure what to say, but then, the words came spilling out.

 "Hey Lauren. It's me, Jay . . . it's been a while . . . . well, three years, twenty hours and about seventeen minutes . . . . . I think. You were the math whiz, anyway.

 Remember Mr. Pritchett, the calculus professor that had a crush on you? You made me come out to his office with you, that time he asked to see you, alone; you wanted him to get the message, and stop eyeballing you or something. And then, we had that heated make-out session right in front of him, but, it only made him like you more", I chuckled, slightly.

 "That was funny", I said, sighing, as I sat on the grass.

 "So . . . I'm a mess! Like . . . a total mess.

 I speed a lot, I'm mean, and I drink a lot too. I can tell everyone's fed up with me, but they're just trying to be supportive.

 I know you'd hate who I've become . . . and I think that's why I do all that stuff. . . I don't know.

I guess, in some twisted way . . . I'm mad at you. You know, for leaving. But, I know it's not your fault. And somehow . . . I know it wasn't mine either. . . . I just needed to blame somebody."

 I paused, fingering the grass, as I leaned back onto the oak tree.

"I'm so sorry, Lauren. For leaving you, and then, not coming to say goodbye. I just didn't think I deserved to.

And I'm sorry for this person I've become.

I wish you were here right now. You'd probably knock my senses back into me", I smiled.

"We would have been married three years today . . . I'd probably have taken you to Maui again . . . depending on how much fun we'd had . . . or even Cuba, to make up for not taking you for our honeymoon.

I am sorry for that too, by the way.

Who knows? If I had listened, you might still be here. . . .

. . . . God, I miss you.

So much! I miss your laugh; . . . the way you said my name in your accent, your angry expression, your smile . . . hell, I miss everything!

You know, I wanted to die. Every single drive, I hoped I'd just crash and all would go black. I did crash . . . quite a few times, actually. But, it never went black. . . . I tried and tried so hard, and every time I failed, I got even madder. . .

Now, I think I'm kind of okay with the fact that I didn't. Savvy would totally kick my ass if I died", I laughed.

"She misses you too. She doesn't say it - I guess, because of me, but . . . I can tell she does. So do Brad and Greg . . .

We had so much fun together; all five of us.

Spring break in Florida; bag packing through Europe; Sunday dinners at Greg's, Brad's parties . . . ", I sighed, chuckling slightly.

"I made a new friend, by the way. . . . Deana . . . . she's great . . . she brought me here, actually. I think you would have liked her. I like her. But, you probably already knew that. You always knew how to read me . . .

I haven't gone to see your mom since you . . . you know. Anyway, I'm really sorry. I just couldn't face her. I was supposed to look after you, and you . . . . . you died.

I should have driven. Then I'd be dead, instead of you. But . . . I wouldn't want you to go through what I'm going through, so in some twisted way, I'm glad you're at rest . . . and at peace. I wish it didn't have to be, but . . . to think of you sad and lonely . . . . that just kills me!

I need you to be alright, wherever you are, okay? Just be . . . okay.

And I promise I'm going to try too.

For you, Savvy, Brad, Greg, my mom, your mom, and . . . Deana.

I'm going to try."

I sat there in silence, for a while, just staring at the lettering.

"I might not be back for a while. This is just . . . really hard, you know . . . and slightly weird" I said, smiling and shrugging, slightly.

"It doesn't mean I don't love you, okay? Don't even think that for a second. I love you so, so much, and . . I probably always will. But . . . it hurts.

A lot.

So . . . I guess . . . . . this is goodbye.

Be good, okay?

Don't go messing around, wherever you are.

I love you", I said, getting up, and patting the headstone, slightly.

As I turned towards the entrance, I saw a black Bombay cat trot by.

They were Lauren's favorites.

 I smiled, as it turned the corner.

 Some would say, that was some sort of sign.

 I say, pure coincidence.

*

Deana was leaning against her car, texting. She looked up when she saw me, come out.

 "So?" she said, grinning in anticipation.

 She truly was an amazing person.

 I stepped closer, and pulled her towards me, in a hug.

 She seemed startled, but she relaxed, and hugged me back.

 "Thank you", I whispered into her hair, and she nodded, against my chest.

 Now, she, on the other hand, was definitely a sign.