Behind The Alpha Book 4 CASS

Chapter 20

(Chapter song ‘I’ll Never Love Again’ by Lady Gaga)
CASS

We walk into the hotel room.  It’s a single bed room because that’s all we could find on short notice. 
The moon and stars were out.  I walk to the window and look out onto the bright lights of Axelridge.  “It really is beautiful here.”  I kind of smile and look at her reflection in the glass. 
She takes off her jacket and flops on the bed.  “You really see beauty in everything, don’t you?”
I turn, kick off my boots and take off my jacket.  I throw it on a chair and flop on the bed, on my stomach, beside her.  “I guess it’s better than looking at everything as bad.”
“Not bad, realistic.”  She says as she picks at the blanket. 
I roll to the side and prop up my head.  “Beauty is realistic, though.  You just have to choose it to be.” 
“I get that.” 
“You should.  You can’t be a love bug if you don’t.”  I smile. 
She shakes her head.  “It’s not that.  Real love…it’s definitely beautiful, but it’s what people do with it that makes it ugly.”
“What way?”  I ask and arch a brow.
She side eyes me.  “Mostly, they take it for granted.  Like it’s owed to them.  Most people don’t want to work for it.  Love is just that.  Putting the effort in to get to know someone.  To not think about what you’re getting out of it.”  She lays down on her back.  “It feels like that kind of love has been lost.  My job tries to bring it back, I just wish I didn’t have to.  If only people could see what was staring them in the face then I could see the beauty in it instead of the force I have to use.” 
She turns to me, I reach out and run a finger down her nose, gently.  “Maybe it’s you who has to change.  Maybe you take your job so seriously because you’re the one refusing to see the beauty.”
“Yeah well, like I said, there’s not much beauty left in the world.”  She undoes her jeans and wiggles out of them.  She throws them on the floor and slides under the blankets. 
I sit up.  “I’ll take the couch.”
“No, don’t.”
I turn to her.
“It’s OK.  I think we can share.”  She gives me a soft smile.
“Ok.”  I pull off my shirt and jeans and climb in beside her.  I lay on the pillow and face her.  “You may not see it, Ember, but I see the beauty and it’s absolutely wonderful.”
She looks into my eyes and the corner of her lip ticks up.  “Goodnight, Cass.”  She whispers.
“Goodnight, love bug.”  I watch her close her gorgeous eyes and I stayed awake for a little longer.  I watched her fall asleep and I listened to her breathe.
This amazing woman is mine.  I know she is, but how do I tell her. 
I reach down to the floor, pull up my jeans and pull out the letter I’ve been carrying in my pocket for months now.  I open it up and read it.  I turn to my sleeping beauty beside me then look back at the letter.  I have to give this to her.  It’s the only way I can tell her how I really feel.  I just have to be patient and wait for the right time. 
I fold the paper back up and put it back in my pocket.  I get comfortable and drift off smelling her wonderful cinnamon heart scent.  It’s so calming and amplifies my love for her.  I want to give her the world.  I want to fill her heart with mine.  I just wish she’d let me in. 
I just have to be patient. 

**** 

The light fills the room and I crack an eye.  I’m surrounded by brilliant red hair.  My arm is around an amazing body and I hear the quiet breathes. 
I bury my nose in her hair more and tighten my grip around her.  I’ll pretend to never let her go and just be happy in the feeling of it.  Even if it’s just for a moment. 
I feel her arms tangle in mine as she stirs.  She presses her back to me more and I practically gush inside.  I never thought I’d be this close to her on this level.  Sex with her is amazing.  This…this is next level.  This is what I want.  This is how I want to feel.  This is what I’ve been searching for.  Just to hold each other and feel the love between us.  I just wish it wasn’t fake.  My love isn’t, I know that for a fact.  I feel it in my entire body. 
She spins around in my arm and I tuck her hair behind her ear.  “Good morning.”  I grin.
“Morning.”  She says with a sleepy voice.  “What time is it?” 
“Six.”  I answer as my fingers trace her jaw. 
She grabs my hand and places it on the bed.  She lays her delicate fingers on top.  “You ready to collect the tear?”
I shake my head on the pillow.  “No.” 
She rubs my hand with her fingertips.  “Yeah, I guess it’s not big on the to do list.”
“It’s not, but I understand.”  I say. 
“Casper.  I want you to know, everything you’ve done…”  She’s interrupted by an extremely rude wizard.
“Good morning!”  He pops into the room and announces his presence loudly. 
I sit up and glare.  “We have a door.” 
Reggie looks back at the door and back to us  “I’m aware.  It’s a nice door too.”  He smiles. 
I sigh, throw the covers off in frustration and find my pants.  Thanks for ruining what could have been a clarifying moment. 
I pull on my jeans and put on my shirt.
Ember gets dressed.  “Is it time?”
“Yes, unfortunately.  Prepare yourselves and remember, stealth.  No matter what, do not get in the way of the events.  This is a very important moment in time.  We cannot change it.”  Reggie warns. 
Ember waves me over.  I join their sides.  She looks at Reggie.  “Where?”
“Follow me.”  He says. 
We blink out and blink back into a small living room.  It’s very humble.  Bright and colorful. 
Ember puts up her shield and we walk around.
I walk past the fireplace.  “Hey, look.”  I point to the line of pictures on the mantle.
There's photos of a couple hugging and kissing.  He’s in a military uniform for the Alliance.  She’s wearing his hat.  They look so happy.  A few pictures down is him holding a tiny baby.  The black and white photo shows him kissing the baby’s forehead.  The name plate on the frame says Benjamin Jonas Warren. 
I turn to Ember.  “They’re beautiful, don’t you think?”
She turns to the bathroom.  “They were.”
I started to pay more attention.  I hear crying.
We slowly walk to the open door.  The woman is staring at herself in the mirror as tears fall from her eyes.
Ember holds herself.  “She doesn’t know it yet.  She just feels it.”
I look at her as my body aches for the woman.  “Feels what?” 
I can see Ember trying to keep herself composed.  “The moment her happiness ends.” 
“What’s going on?”  The woman questions herself in the mirror.  “K…Kyle…”  She whispers.
The baby starts to cry in the next room.
“Ember, no…Let’s just go….This isn’t right…”  I don’t want to see this.
She holds her hand up to me.  “I want you to see this, Cass.  This is the love you want.” 
“No, Ember.  This isn’t…”
The woman screams, grabs her shoulder and cripples to the floor.  “KYYLLEE!!”  
My heart instantly breaks.  I try to hold, it but I can’t.  The baby adds to it by crying harder.  “Ember.”
The woman sobs harder.  Ember walks up to her in the shield.  She pulls out a vial.  “You want to know why?” 
She turns to me and I nod as the baby cries for his mother in the next room.
The woman is suffering from a grief I could barely understand because I was so young when my dad died.
“Because no matter how great it is, it always ends up like this.”  She sniffs.  “Whether he dies or leaves, you’re still a sobbing mess on the floor.  Heart smashed to pieces.  It’s always ends like this.  Always.”  She holds the vial under the woman’s chin and a tear falls from her skin, through the shield and into the vial. 
“But Ember.  That’s not the point.”  I say as I wipe my nose with my sleeve. 
She stands after collecting the tear and turns to me.  “It may not be the point, Cass, but ultimately, to me…”  She walks to my side and stops.  Her eyes meet mine.  “To me?  It’s not worth it.” 
“APRIL?!!”  The front door opens and  the woman rises onto her knees.
“FINN!”  She cries out. 
I watch Finn Trezner run to the woman on the floor.  He wraps his arms around her.  She cries harder.  “They just called me.  I came right over.  Honey, I’m so sorry.  So fucking sorry.”
“KYLE!!”  She calls out as she tries to grab at his coat.  “IT HURTS!!” 
“I know, sweetie.  I know.  I got you.”  Finn holds her tight and rocks her. 
I watch him fight his own emotions as he tries to comfort  and console her.
He pushes her up out of his lap and holds her head.  “You get a bag.  I’ll pack Ben’s diaper bags ok.  You two are coming with me to the penthouse.  I’ll set you up, you can stay as long as you want.  I’ll help you through this ok.  Kyle was a friend.  I’m not going to let his family suffer alone.”
She nods as he helps her to her feet.  She continues to cry as they walk to the bedroom.
I turn to Ember.  “No, Ember.  It’s so much more.  So much.”  I stride across the room to her.  “Yes, it can end badly, but you don’t focus on that.  You focus on the time you had.  What made you two connect out of the billions of people.  You tell yourself, yes they’re gone, but how did they change me? How did they add to my life?  Sure, some have bad experiences, but even those can change you for the better, so that when you meet the next person, you can show them what you learned and how you learned to love better.  You can’t just…give up.”  My brows cinch up as I appeal to her.
She smiles and wipes her eye.  “You really are sweet.”  She shakes her head.  “Maybe I’m just not as strong as you, Cass.  I can’t handle heartbreak.  That’s why I do this.  I give my love away for others to have so I don’t have to feel my own want for it.  Yes, I’m creating that pain eventually, but I might as well make sure the shit I went through, won’t happen to them.  I make the pairs that will last.  Where they’re only worry will be if he gets killed in action or growing old together.  Anything else is bullshit.”
I reach put and cup her cheek.  “I can see someone hurt you bad and I’m sorry.  Ember, I get it.  It’s scary to move on and forget what happened, but you keep saying, you wish they would just see.  You know, that includes you too, right?”
She locks with my eyes.  “That’s the thing, Casper.  I don’t want to forget.  I don’t want to forgive.  I don’t want it.  He hurt me in the worst way possible because I trusted him with my heart.  That won’t happen again.  I won’t let it.” 
I drop my hand and nod.  Finn and April come out of the back.  Finn has the baby of only a few months in his chest.  “It’s ok, Benny.  It’s OK.”  He gently bounces the baby and he whimpers.  April takes the bags and carrier.  “Thank you, Finn.”  She quietly sobs.
I see something in Finns eye as he holds the baby.  “Anytime, sweetie.  Anytime.”  They leave the house.
I turn back to Ember.  “You can close off your heart, Ember.  You can hide it away, lock it up tight, but you know what?” 
“What?”
I lean to her.  “Eventually, you’ll realize what you’re doing is hiding from exactly what you want.  The problem is when you finally wake up, what you want, what your heart wants, it won’t be there anymore.” 
She looks me over and I see her brows stitch up.  I lean back and turn for the door. 
I know she feels what I do.  I understand she’s been hurt by a dick, but all she’s doing is punishing herself for it.  She doesn’t want to move on because I believe she thinks her hurt was her fault. 
I step outside and heave a breath.  I hope she wakes up before it’s too late. 
She steps beside me and laces her fingers in mine.  She looks up at me.  “Let’s go home.”
I nod.  I lift her hand to my lips and kiss the back of it.  The pain of the tear hits me again and I don’t want to feel this heartbreak anymore.  “Let’s get this on the arrow.”  I take the vial from her.  I’ll take the pain this time.  I don’t want her to be bombarded with this.  I shove the vial in my pocket and she blinks us to Reggie.
“Are we successful?”  He looks at us over his dark glasses. 
“Yes.  We got the tear.” Ember confirms.
“Good.”  He opens the portal to Nala’s penthouse.
I step up to it.  “What the hell?”  My brows furrow and I walk through the portal.  Ember and Reggie walk through behind me.
“Oh my god.”
The place looks like a war zone.  It’s dark, the penthouse is ripped to shreds.  The balcony windows are smashed in.  Furniture and things thrown all over. 
“Nala!  Curtis!”
“Puck!”
A groan comes from under the overturned couch.  “Jesse! Reggie help.” 
We jump and slide over things.  Reggie grabs one end and I grab the other. 
Jesse is on his back looking bloody and rough.  “Curt…”  He groans again.
I fall to his side.  “Jesse.”  I hold his head to get his eyes to focus. 
“Cass…”  He rolls to his side and winces bad.  “Fuck…”
“Easy…you got some bruised ribs there.  What happened?” I help him carefully. 
“Mike.  He showed up.  Curtis!”  He yells then breaks into a coughing fit. 
Ember comes down the stairs.  “They’re not here.”
I look at Jesse.  “Mike has them.”
“That son of a bitch!”  Jesse tries to get up and falls back in pain. 
“Careful!  We’ll get them back, but we need help.”  I say.  I look up to Reggie.  “Can you find him.” 
“Sure I can, but are you sure?  It’s a little suicidal.”  He arches a brow.
“We have no choice.”  Ember says.  “Curtis doesn’t need to be in the middle of this and Puck had the arrow.  If they figure out what it is, Mike can have full control over Eros.  You can only imagine the damage a cosmic God can do.”
I look at her.  “I have a pretty good idea.”  Remembering the damage Eternity caused on the planet. 
“Welp, we can’t waste time sittin' here.”  Jesse stands.  He’s wobbly, but healing.  “Reggie, you find my boy and you find him Pronto.  Somewhere in this mess is my six irons.  Help me look.” 
As Reggie produces a map, he holds his crystal over it.  He uses the energy of the house to tap into Curtis' energy.  The crystal floats in circles spinning faster and faster as Reggie moves along the map.  It’s point stops and lands on the map.  “Ah…There we are.”  He smiles.
“Where?”  Jesse walks to him.
“He’s in the Big Apple.  Brooklyn to be precise.”  Reggie informs.
“Do you know where in Brooklyn?”  Ember asks.
Reggie holds his hand over the crystal and closes his eyes.  “They’re moving.  Lots of cars, black.  Heading up 52nd street.   Hold on…They just crossed 8th.”  He opens his eyes.
“Can you stop them from here?”  I ask.
“I’m sorry, my attacks don’t have that kind of reach.  If the entire council was here, maybe.”  He flicks his eyes between us all.
I look to Ember.  “Let’s go get our friends.” 
Ember nods and holds our arms and we blink out.