Chapter 39: Big Trouble

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Text from: Jake Morris-Whittaker, 8:45 pm

Sooooo are you guys actually coming?
Or should I shoo? 😏

We're coming
And I hate you

😏😏😏

~*~

When I'd splashed enough water on my face to drown all the butterflies clogging my throat, I found Theo waiting for me at the top of the stairs, changed into sweatpants and eager to join the digestion walk. I don't know why I'd expected him to hide away in the spare room and not come out until morning. Maybe because that's what I would've done—anything to avoid addressing this second, bigger kiss that now weighed between us.

But it didn't seem to be weighing on him at all. He didn't hesitate to take my hand as we followed Buster's lead around the block, my dad and Simon still chatting politics while Jake rolled his eyes and repeatedly pleaded for them to discuss something fun for once.

As we rounded the corner towards my old high school, Theo dug his phone out of his back pocket with an exasperated sigh. He shook his head at his screen. "Is he blowing you up too?"

I glanced over at the wall of texts from William. "I left mine at home."

"Well, this little weekend getaway sure is working." Theo slid his phone away without replying. "He's beside himself."

"Great," I said, though I didn't mean it at all.

It wasn't great in the least. Not when I didn't really care what William thought, and Theo's words had twisted like a dagger in my heart. This little weekend getaway. That was all this was to him, especially if he was still concerned with his brother's reaction. I was the fool who'd thought that all his acting had meant anything more. He was just playing the part of gracious guest and doting fake boyfriend. Fitting in because that's what he was good at, not because he actually wanted to.

Suddenly, I felt sick. I slid my fingers out from his to bury them in my jacket pocket. He didn't seem to notice though, not when we all paused as Jake pointed out the net behind my old school where I'd blocked a season-ending goal with my thigh three years ago. It was such a hard shot that it had left a lingering, hexagon-shaped bruise from the soccer ball, right before our family beach vacation.

My stomach was in knots when we got back home and, after I announced that I was going to bed, Theo said that he was going to do the same. Jake was clearly fighting a grin as he wished us goodnight and herded dad and Simon back towards the TV, like a good older brother playing wingman.

If only he knew it wasn't real. That we weren't sneaking upstairs to make out again. That what Jake had witnessed in my room had been a fluke—a redo of something that had only happened because of a stupid dare. Probably just so Theo could soothe his ego and prove that he was a great kisser.

Hyperaware of his footsteps behind me, and desperately unsure of how I was supposed to act, I hurried to my room with a hasty "Night."

Theo caught the door before I could close it. "Emdubs."

Emdubs, not Ellie. I swallowed, bracing myself to face him.

"I had a thought when I saw that big, empty, school parking lot," he said, leaning on my doorframe. "Remember when you said you wanted to learn to drive stick?"

I blinked a few times, then shook my head. "I'm pretty sure I never said—"

He booped me on the nose. "Tomorrow. You're learning to drive manual, courtesy of the better Ellerby tutor."

When I opened my mouth to protest, he silenced me with a swift, but no less knee-buckling kiss, before he grinned and sauntered towards the spare room. When I closed my door, I leaned against it and scraped a hand through my hair.

This was going to be a big, big problem. If Theo was going to just randomly kiss me now, as if we were a real couple, I was in trouble. Big trouble. It might mean nothing to him, but I couldn't handle this kind of pretending. Not with the lines so blurred. Not when I was already imagining what it would be like if this was real.

But how could I tell him that without admitting why it was such a problem for me? Because that would be absolutely mortifying—a bajillion times worse than him seeing the picture of me with my hideous seventh grade bangs. I paced, chewing my thumbnail until my phone buzzed with a text on my desk.

Theo wasn't the only one with a wall of texts from William.

Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you guys are having fun. He'd sent earlier that afternoon, right around when we'd arrived.

Followed by a picture of a long, extravagant table with 50 silver place settings and at least a dozen candlelit arrangements. Wish you were here. Not an escargot in sight, I promise 😉

And then there was a missed call, from 30 minutes ago, followed by, I want to hear your voice.

Once, I would've called him right back. Once, I would've giggled and danced around my room before I dialed his number and collapsed back onto my bed. Now, though, it felt more like a ticking time bomb. Like I'd backed myself into a corner that I really, really didn't want to be in.

I perched on the edge of my bed and chewed my thumbnail some more. I had to make a decision. I couldn't keep going with this charade, not when I'd changed my mind. Because no matter how much I tried to brush it aside and pretend it wasn't happening, it already had.

Whatever I'd once felt for William had been tempered by the truth of him. He wasn't some flawless knight in shining armor. He was just a guy—one who liked artsy movies and foie gras and girls who got into Ivy League colleges. Where I'd once daydreamed about dating him, now I didn't. I didn't want to go to fancy, black-tie banquets and eat snails. I wanted to eat curly fries and watch cheesy action movies, cuddled up in sweatpants.

Safe to come upstairs? Simon's ready for bed...

I groaned at Jake's text, then replied.

Yes, Mr. Nosy. He went to bed.

Better not be your bed 😉

You're the worst.

😇😇😇

Love you, El.

Just remember what I said.

I made a face at my phone. Of course Jake knew exactly what had happened. Because I had fallen for the first rich guy with nice clothes who'd paid me any attention—quite literally. Except it wasn't William that I wanted anymore, and I had no idea if I had the courage to tell Theo.

**A/N: Looks like our girl is in a bit of a pickle...and about time too! How do you think she's going to break it to Theo? (And, for that matter, William lol). As always, if you enjoyed it, please take a moment to vote and comment!**

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