Chapter 15

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15.

Lee Ara's heart was heavy when she crossed the border into Jurchen territory. She led Mun up the mountain as far as he could go, until the rugged terrain and steep trail forced her to leave him behind and finish on foot. She remembered when she, Hung San and two other Jurchen warriors had carried Lee Gong's body up that same trail, their clothes still covered in blood and their muscles exhausted from the battle. They had buried him at the peak of the mountain, where you could almost touch the sky and watch over the border, the river and the Jurchen villages. Lee Ara poured some wine over her father's grave before taking a sip and wiping the tears off her cheeks.

"Look at this mess," Lee Ara chuckled softly. "I hold you partially responsible." She took another sip before adding, "You told me that it was my destiny to keep him safe and on the throne, but when he is with me, he acts like a man rather than a king." Lee Ara took a deep breath and emptied the rest of the wine over Lee Gong's grave before hiking back down the trail towards Mun.

The sun was setting over the Jurchen fortress when she passed the gates. As she rode through the busy streets, villagers stopped what they were doing and looked at Lee Ara with distrust.

"You are back."

Hung San stood in front of her with his arms crossed over his chest. The sullen expression quickly faded from his face as Lee Gong's daughter jumped off her horse and hugged him.

"I missed you," she said with a large smile.

"Come." He motioned for her to follow him. As they walked towards his house, they passed by Lee Gong's residence. Lee Ara glanced at her old home, which had been kept intact and unoccupied. "Are you still against staying there?" Hung San asked. Lee Ara nodded and looked away.

Hung San immediately grabbed a bottle of wine as they walked into his house. The scent of alcohol no longer made Lee Ara nauseous, and she welcomed the warming liquid with relief.

"Is it me, or do the villagers look unhappy that I have returned?" she asked.

Hung San took a deep breath and responded, "They are not sure which side you are on, if you are a traitor or a leader. The scar left by Joseon's army is still fresh."

"The late king is the one who attacked. Yi Jin never wanted that to happen," Lee Ara retorted.

"Perhaps, but they do not see the difference; they only see their dead," Hung San said while refilling her cup. "Do not worry," he added, "you will gain their trust back. I know you would never betray the Jurchens."

As he put the bottle down, two warriors burst into the room, beaming. "Lee Ara! You are really back!"

They all drank together until Lee Gong's daughter decided that she had to go and visit Doctor Han.

"I guess nothing's changed," a woman whispered to her friend as they passed a staggering Lee Ara in the main street.

"I am back!" She drunkenly declared as she walked inside the doctor's home.

"I see," the older woman responded while motioning for Lee Ara to sit next to her. "How far along are you?" she asked while pouring a cup of water for Lee Gong's daughter.

"About three months -hold on, how do you know?" Lee Ara frowned.

"You shouldn't be drinking; it is not good for the child," Doctor Han said softly while handing the water to the young woman. Having overheard this, Hung San, who had been wondering how long it had been since Lee Ara last ate, dropped the pot of rice he had brought over, which crashed to the ground, breaking into a hundred pieces. Without a word, he turned around and walked away.

"Shhht..." Lee Ara sucked her teeth and got up to run after him, but Doctor Han grabbed her wrist and held her back.

"Let him be, he will get over it."

Lee Gong's daughter was about to yank her arm free, but wisely decided that she was too drunk to argue with Hung San and sat back down with a sigh. She put her head in between her hands.

"I was destined to kill, so I cannot live." She looked up at Doctor Han and added, "How am I supposed to give life? I have the blood of thousands on my hands, so how can I hold a child?" They remained silent for a while.

Then the old woman responded, "The child will be strong and of great importance to the Jurchens, the same way Lee Gong and you were. Do not doubt that everything that has happened was meant to be. Your father knew this better than anyone else, so he accepted any hardships that came his way, and even his own death."

Lee Ara lay down on the floor and closed her eyes. She fell asleep almost immediately and dreamt of her father. In her dream, Lee Gong was still alive and welcomed her back to the Jurchen fortress with relief. In her dream, she was not pregnant. "You are a warrior, not a woman," he told her.

Although she was seriously hung over, Lee Ara got up early and went to Hung San's house. He welcomed her coldly as she sat down, facing him. He had been by her side since she first came to the Jurchens' fortress at the age of five, and when the other kids were scared of her for looking different, he had always accepted and treated her as one of his own.

"Hung San," she said, "I am sorry. I am sorry that I pushed your feelings aside and pretended that I could not see them. I wish fate had brought us together in a different way. Our lives would have been much easier." Hung San took a deep breath and looked away. "I have one more favor to ask from you," she added.

The man looked back at her. "What is it?"

"Please raise him as your own," she replied. She had guessed the child was to be a boy. Hung San searched her ice blue eyes, wondering why she would ask him such a thing.

"Does he know?" he asked. She shook her head slowly.

"Then promise me that he will stay Jurchen," Hung San requested. Lee Ara took a deep breath.

"One day, someone will come for him, but you will have to protect him and make sure that he stays here."

"Why do you talk as if you won't be there?" Hung San said, frowning.

Lee Ara smiled faintly. "I don't think I am meant to live a long life."

The Jurchen warrior chuckled, although concern was etched on his face. "Well, who knows? So far, you never had great oversight over your life." 

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