Pricing The Heart

Chapter 36

Stiffly, Eloise turned from David. Fatigue slowed her movements through the hallway and up the stairs to the guest bedchamber. She was exhausted from fighting for David's heart, from keeping a vain hope alive that one day he might return her affection. She was tired of the feeling of worthlessness that accompanied his rejection. She was tired of the pain that gnawed at her chest, threatening to rip her heart out. And as she settled on the edge of the bed that evening, wiping her face with her sleeves, she decided she was tired of the tears. No longer would she sit to mourn over a love that was never meant to be, but would accept her fate and find succor for her broken heart elsewhere.

Perhaps she must leave England. There was nothing left here for her. With both parents dead, a husband that didn't want her until he needed her, and a man unwilling to love her in return, England held no further appeal.

Wrapping her arms around herself as a shiver of grief passed through her body, she settled her head on the pillow and curled her knees to her chest. She thought of her little savings tucked securely in the floorboards of her home. It was enough to buy her a ticket aboard a ship to America, and if she was lucky, she might find employment as a governess to a wealthy family or work as a schoolteacher. America would give her a chance at a new life, one she would build around a new identity. The distance would ensure she never crossed paths with David, and she thought if she never saw him again, she might stop loving him.

She shook her head at the thought, knowing she was merely fooling herself. It didn't matter where she went, she would never stop loving David. Even now, she battled with the need to return to the drawing room and beg for his affection. She didn't believe she had ever wanted anything like she wanted David; to be his wife, to be a mother to Adam, and to bear children of her own. She wanted to build a family with him, however impossible it seemed.

But David did not want her, she silently reminded herself. His heart laid in the grave with his dead wife. How was she to compete with that? He would never love her.

Her tears returned to the surface as she rose to her feet. She couldn't sleep here tonight, for she feared if she did, she might either lose her mind to the torturous thoughts of David, or risk making a fool of herself by running down the stairs to him and begging for his affection. She needed to leave, but how? David already informed her that the carriage was unfit to travel tonight. Perhaps she must borrow a horse from the stable. She turned her attention to the wall clock, thinking she might make it home before midnight if she rode fast enough. It was certainly worth the risk.

Taking a piece of paper, she wrote David a note and left it on the dresser, before making her way out of the building unnoticed through the servant's door.

*

David kept his eyes closed as Eloise's footsteps faded down the hall. He couldn't watch her leave yet again, he thought, fisting his fingers. It was all he could do to stop himself from going after her, from telling her how he really felt. He wanted to set her misconceptions straight, to reassure her he was no longer in love with his dead wife. How could he, when he was so madly in love with Eloise? He felt nothing but guilt when he thought of Adeline. It was guilt that had tormented him all these years, imprisoning his heart; it was guilt that made him swear off love in the past. Until Eloise. She'd captured his heart against all odds, disarming his guilt. It was only unfortunate she'd strengthened his fears in the process. If only she knew it wasn't his love for Adeline that restrained him from going after her—if she only knew it was his love for her.

He would not hurt Eloise, he thought, shaking his head determinedly—he would not hurt her like he'd hurt Adeline.

Heaving a ragged breath, he turned from the door to the bellpull. The footman entered the drawing room in a matter of minutes.