Ultima Ratio

Chapter 62: Restart

Present day

Akira paused, and the world didn't collapse around her.

She supposed she should've felt relieved; after all, that's exactly what she had hoped for, for everything to remain as is. Instead, she felt nothing, numb, like there was an empty mass within her chest that weighed down her breaths no matter how deep her inhales.

So she pushed through it.

"After that...Makana was demoted, and their pay was withheld for a month. They also had to take six months of mandatory therapy and anger management counseling, and lost a bunch of privileges."

Akira picked at the hem of her jacket, unable to lower her head as much as she wanted to. "At first, I tried to convince them that we should just tell the truth...but they wouldn't hear it. And I felt that I had already let Kekoa down, and I didn't want to let Makana down too, so I just went with it. Even though I know I shouldn't have."

When Akira went quiet, Danya remained so. At some point during Akira's story, Danya had heaved herself upright to rest against Akira's right side. At first, Akira had worried that Danya's weight against her defunct arm wouldn't be good enough, and Akira would lose the courage to finish her explanation. Thankfully, Danya seemed to understand, and she leaned her back against Akira's chest instead, angling herself so that her legs and one arm were still under the artificial sun.

Danya's hand was already resting lightly on Akira's wrist when Akira began to fidget again. In response, Danya brushed a finger lightly up Akira's forearm, stopping halfway to her elbow before making her way back down. The sensation was enough to make Akira pause, and any desire to continue ceased entirely when Danya began to trace the lines on her palm.

"What about you?" Danya asked, her words soft but clear. It was the first time she had spoken since Akira began her story, and her voice was like the light chime of a bell in the middle of a storm.

Akira focused on that sound ringing in her ears as she answered. "A stern warning. That's it. No one wanted to be the one to take down the hero Secretary's daughter. It wouldn't be good for morale."

She shook her head, doing her best to keep her gaze fixed on the steady motions of Danya's fingers. "I shouldn't have been allowed back on the field so soon, or even at all. They didn't even take my gun away from me. The only thing that held me back from...doing something stupid was my guilt."

Danya's hand stilled. "And what about now?"

Akira's hand twitched, and her face furrowed. "Honestly, I don't know anymore. I don't know if my current drive is from what I really want or if it's from my guilt. I just try not to think about it, I guess. Because if I tell anyone, anyone...then I'm out of the game. And if that happens, I can't...fix anything anymore."

After Akira's admission, it took a few beats for Danya to continue tracing lines across her palm, and Akira slowly released a breath of relief.

"What about the rest of your team?" Danya asked.

This time, it was Akira's turn to pause.

"Gone," she whispered. "They wanted an escape, just like I did. Except they didn't have a Makana to save them. As soon as one of them...left, the rest followed. And there was nothing I could do."

Again, Danya's finger froze, but she switched to firmly tapping Akira's palm instead.

"That crow didn't save you," Danya pointed out with both her words and her hand. "They guilt-tripped you into staying alive."

Akira shrugged with her left shoulder. "It worked, didn't it?"

Danya's finger pressed against Akira's palm as Danya leaned forward just enough to glare at her with both eyes. "The outcome doesn't always justify the means!"