The Perfect Shot (Book 3) ✓

01 - Crushed

Hannah

I was so screwed that I had no idea how I was going to manage my life from now on. Freshly out of university I had these pink glasses over my eyes that were making me believe that this little piece of paper was going to open all doors for me, making me continue on my dreamed path and live my life the way I've imagined it. Guess what? I was totally wrong. This flimsy piece of paper with my name on it, that I studied my ass of for years to get, meant absolutely nothing when you had zero years in the field working as the profession mentioned next to my name. The whole idea that I had the perfect grades, was best of my class, meant nothing when I couldn't tell I've had real work experience. And how on Earth was I supposed to get said experience when no one was giving me the chance of working because I had no experience?

This bad and vicious circle was making me crazy and absolutely desperate for my future. I was 23 years old and was already disappointed in the way our world worked. I thought I would have a few more years being happy before the reality struck me. I guess I wasn't so lucky. Somehow, every school in the town I was living in or the ones close to it weren't searching for young math teachers. Trust me, I've looked. And I've applied everywhere. And I received the same answer, which was basically saying, "No, thank you." I was desperate enough to even try around my hometown, which I left as quickly as I could when I finished high school. But again, no one had faith in me. No one believed that such a young girl would be able to teach high schoolers that were so close to my age. Everyone saw me as a kid with unrealistic goals. And I was starting to believe them with every denial I received. After months and months waiting for available working place, I finally gave up. I was low on my savings, I had to leave the place I was living in, and I had to make a hard decision. To try to stay where I was, find a new apartment to live in, a little bit cheaper would be preferable. Find some work, if possible, without dealing with drunk customers...or go back home...to my parents' house...to the town I swore I won't return to...to the place where everyone knew me and my family, where everyone was watching my actions, expecting me to act in a specific way that won't make my parents ashamed. There I had an image to uphold to and as much as I loved them, it was suffocating trying to be this proper person while you are young and want to try and see what the world could offer. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had no choice, I was lying to myself, saying I could stay where I was right now, trying to live here, trying to work here...but this was a big fat lie. I had no choice. So, with this big weight on my chest, I grabbed my phone and called my mom.

"Hey, there sweetie, how are you?" The voice in the other end of the line was doing nothing to calm my nerves, sooth my regrets, or make me believe in me. It was a reminder that I failed.

"Hi, mom. I'm okay. How are you, how is dad?"

"Oh, we are fine, sweetie. You know your father. Constantly working, dealing with his men while I am trying to make him take a break... but he's so hard-headed that he won't listen to me."

"Yeah, I know." My father was the most hard-working person I have ever met in my life. He was being at his job his whole life, climbing the ladder with the years, one step at a time until getting to the top of it a few years ago. I was really proud of him, but at the same time I was disappointed because that meant I had to constantly watch what I was doing, with whom I was seen, I had to keep his good image, because what would the people think if he couldn't keep his own daughter in check?

"Soo..." My mother knew why I was calling, knew I was on a crossroad, and I had to make a tough decision.

"I'm coming home." I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Yay! I'm so happy about it! You have no idea! Oh, sweetie, it will be so fun to have you back home. I've missed you so much." We had really different vision of fun, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. What's done was done, and I had to accept it. "When are you coming? Do you want your father to come and help you with your stuff?"

"No, no, there's no need. I don't have a lot of things; I'll manage to get them in my car."

"You sure? I know he'll gladly come and help you with your bags..."

"No need, mom, I'll be fine on my own."

"You don't have to be on your own."

"I know, but I'm fine. Really, I can do it alone. There's no need to worry him."

"You won't be worried him, Hannah. He is your father, he wants only the best for you, and he'll come and help you..."

"Can we change the subject? Like I said, I don't need two cars for my bags."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop now. When are you coming?"

"In a couple of days, maybe. I'll make a stop somewhere in the middle because I don't want to drive for 10 hours straight."

"Oh, yes, the road is a long one. You better take your time and rest. I don't want you driving tired."

"That's why I'll sleep somewhere on the way there."

"Okay. Be careful, though. There are a lot of shady places and..."

"Mom, I know how to keep myself safe, don't worry."

"I know, I know, I just want to make sure you will be safe."

"I will be."

"Yeah, okay, okay."

"I've got to go, mom. Still have some stuff to pack before I leave tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll see you soon, sweetie."

"See you soon, mom." I disconnected the call and left my phone on the table near me. This was it. I was going home with my tail tugged between my legs. With no idea what I wanted to do with my future. Back where I started. I wanted to just lay down and mourn my lost freedom, but I knew it wasn't going to help me in any way. So, I did the next best thing and opened my laptop in search of a job in my hometown. I wanted to see what my options were before my foot stepped there. I needed to have some kind of plan. I knew if I didn't have one, I wasn't going to leave that place for years... and I knew I won't survive this long. I needed a job that was going to pay me good money while I was living with my parents. I was going to save everything I earned and I was going to go to some new place as soon as possible. Within a year would be great. Maximum year and a half. I won't let myself stay in that town for more than that. My mind won't allow it, I was going to get crazy for sure.

So, with this short plan, I applied to a few places, sending them my CV in the hope that I'll find a job quickly. Since I was applying to everything from barista to waitress or a secretary, I was hoping at least some of them would want to meet with me and give me a chance. I was desperate enough to work wherever just so I'll have some income.

When I sent my last email to the local mechanic shop for the position of secretary of some sort, I closed my laptop and continued to pack my stuff. For the first time in years, I didn't like the idea for tomorrow coming, but...it is what it is. Time was for me to grow up and face the reality of my life. The imaginative pink glasses needed to be left behind, with all of my big dreams right beside them. Growing up sucked... 

***Finding the work you want to do is a hard task, especially when you are just staring at your journey. Can Hannah get some encouraging votes?