Buffy the Vampire Slayer Preferences + imagines/one shots

Tara Imagine - Beginning and End

season 6 spoiler 

"The first time I said I love you to Tara Maclay was a complete accident. 

We were sitting under the stars on a tartan picnic blanket in Buffy's back garden. It wasn't safe to stargaze anywhere else so late in Sunnydale, Tara had reminded me when I suggested we go to the park near our college.  The green grass looked black beneath our bare feet, the sky an endless expanse of possibilities. Mid conversation, I dropped the L word. 'I love the stars almost as much as I love you', and it surprised us both.

The second time I said I love you to Tara Maclay was in her dorm. Her dorm that smells like herbs, spices and incense. Her dorm that's littered with books and cassettes containing all our favourite songs. Her dorm with the red wax stain on the carpet from when I forgot to blow out a candle one evening. Her dorm that is impossible to leave without your clothes being covered in cat hair, whether you met our cat Mr Whiskers or not. 

The third time I said I love you to Tara Maclay was on the scariest night of my life. A woman hurt her last year, badly. Tara was so lost after it. As I held her in my arms, I realised that my worst fear had been made a reality. I kissed her forehead and told her that I would find her again. And told her I loved her more than anything.

Then I lost count.

After kissing underneath the mistletoe at Christmas. Rubbing her back as she coughed and sneezed her way through New Years. In the back of my parent's car. Outside The Magic Box at the end of a shift. In a grocery store when we were sure no one was listening. Over spaghetti on one of our makeshift date nights. 

But I remember the last time I said I love you to Tara Maclay and I'd like to think she heard me, although I'll never be sure. It was on our bedroom floor, her golden hair fanned out around her head like a halo. I eased her into my arms. Her beautiful eyes were closed. I love you, I said. 

And every time I said I love you to Tara Maclay, she said it back. Except for that day. 

And still, after all those times I got to tell her, it wasn't enough. 

It wasn't enough time. 

She was taken from me, from us, so unfairly, so suddenly, that I don't know if we'll truly recover. But I know Tara is in a better place. She continues to be the kindest, gentlest, most thoughtful and passionate person I know. We are lucky to know her. I am happy that she can rest and hopefully, one day, we can rest together. One day, we may exchange a completed set of I love yous. 

I love you, baby. Thank you for changing my life."

I stand back, wiping away the silent tears that had escaped as I neared the end of my speech. I slot between Willow and Buffy, the black fabric of our dresses brushing together. Buffy takes my hand and squeezes it.

They lower Tara's body into the earth and I close my eyes. 

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