remanence

Take Initiative

Words that were on my mind, the day before the break up; 

I'm crying, why you said? You didn't do anything, you said? Well, why haven't you been doing anything? Did everything; my cries, and my overthinking previously get deleted from your mind? Why haven't you been doing anything? When I told you that I was unhappy about the lack of initiative you have for us. Why don't you give me compliments anymore? Why don't you send me paragraphs anymore? Why don't you send me voice messages, send me note-it drawings, send me gifts, text me at a random times of the day that you're thinking of me or that you love me? 

All these little things, does it all have to be reminded for you to do it? Why can't you take initiative? Is it really that hard? But you've done this so many times before, why is it all of a sudden not being continued? Did I do something not to deserve your acts of kindness, and love? Why do I, your girlfriend, need to look at our past messages just to feel your love? Why can't I experience it currently, right in front of me? Is it so hard to make me feel loved? 

You're tired. I'm tired too, of asking every single time, just to make things work out. There's so many things that I haven't even told you. Yet you're already tired of hearing the minimal things I've told you. But if you know, then why don't you fix it? Why do you only listen, and fix it for a few days? Why do I have to feel guilty of asking you to do these things when you used to do it for me? Why, just why can't you take initiative. You said you hate seeing, and hearing me cry. But that seems to be your favorite thing to do lately. If you were aware that I was unhappy, why didn't you take initiative to fix it? 

I've given you so many direct answers on what to do, yet my heart keeps defending you. My heart creates all of these excuses that you haven't done anything wrong. That you still put time to hangout with me even on your busy schedule, say I love you to me, say good-morning or goodnight to me first since you wake up first, always saying yes to me when I asked you to play a game/match outfits/eat food. My heart wished it was just that you were tired. That I should be a calm, and be an understanding girlfriend. That you haven't done anything wrong. Maybe I was just overthinking it too much. So please, take initiative, and work us out. Because I still love you.