remanence

How Ironic, Isn't It?

When I started talking to you, it wasn't with the intention of falling in love with you. I didn't want to be in a relationship, I couldn't love someone again at that moment--I needed to heal, I thought. But you told me to put my trust in you. You told me we'd know each other along the way. But you know, it wasn't your words that convinced me. It was that my heart was healing while being with you. Even though I prioritized you over myself, I was healing while still being with you. Even though I told myself I shouldn't try another relationship without having prioritized myself, I trusted in us. 

How ironic, isn't it? 

How we talked for three days clearing up about how we felt about our relationship as it ended on the first day out of the three, and you told me "It was puppy love". 1 year, 8 months and 2 weeks, but it was puppy love. Even though I put all my love, my trust, my loyalty, my everything to you but it was all puppy love for you? Even though I put my love into you, to the boy that came to me out of nowhere during the time I didn't want to love, and wanted to focus on myself. 

How ironic, isn't it? 

Now that we're broken up, and there's nothing for me. I'm stuck. You were part of my daily routine. Now I'm stuck on this endless seconds, minutes, and hours not knowing what to do because these were the time dedicated for you. Everybody told me I should move on and heal. But what should I do? You already healed me. There's nothing for me to focus on myself anymore. What hurts more, is that you're telling me to do the same. To move on, and find another who I will love again. Is that your way of coping? Reassuring yourself for hurting me, that I'll find someone knew again and love them? In the most selfish way possible, I hope you feel the burden in your entire life, and realize that I'll never give myself a chance to meet someone else again. I hope you are burdened with my love for you. Because even till now, I still love you. 

How ironic, isn't it?