Children of Fire and Sun: The Rebellion (Novella Version) ✓

Chapter Twenty-three: Remus (Domhnall)

"To love is to lose, to lose is to love."
— Cassius Theodorous, a priest of the Maiden.
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Remus knew that Maysa was hurt, the instant she had refused supper.

There had been the worried eyes of the servants and Sir Airon’s request. Yet all their attempts turned to be futile. Maysa had clenched her jaw and commanded that she was left alone. No one must come to disturb her rest. They had no other way but to abide by a direct order from their princess.

Remus could see the pain in her eyes, in the pout of her lips. The way she avoided looking at him even when he tried to approach her, all her answers monosyllabic and detached. It was like a spike being driven into his heart and twisted inside it. If there was someone whose grief Remus just could not bear to witness, it was Maysa. Somehow, her hurt was like a physical ache to him, worse than anything he had ever endured.

He knew too why she was forlorn; he was leaving soon. But there was no way that he could revert this decision as too much depended upon this choice of his. To stay would be to compromise with his morals, and to leave would be akin to murdering his own self.

But he would not let her languish in her grief alone. Thus Remus stood at the threshold of her lightless chamber, watching her as she sat atop the bed and wept. She lay in a foetal position, her sobs imperceptible save for the most keen ear. He stood in the shadows and wept with her, unable to tear his gaze from her. His poor, poor darling. There was too much she had lost, of which remained, no doubt. On top of that, she had given her heart to a man who could not promise to keep it unscathed.

Do not be like this, my sweet. I beg of you, please do not do this to yourself. The words echoed in his mind, yet he found his tongue too heavy to utter these simple words. I cannot bear to see you like this, yet we both know that I must leave. There is no other way. Forgive me for making this cruel choice. It was a terrible thing indeed, to be forced to part ways with one's beloved for the sake of duty. Yet some duties could not be shirked. How would he ever look into the eyes of his men, knowing that he had let them risk their lives for his sake while he had spent days in leisure?

Nay, that was not what a true prince of the realm did.

"Pleas-e…please do-n't go. I cannot live without you."

Maysa's sobs grew louder. Yet as she might to muffle it by hiding her face beneath the covers, those painful tremors reached his ears. Unable to bear it anymore, Remus crossed the threshold and sat at the foot of the bed. With a quivering hand, he touched her shoulder. The sobbing stopped. She tilted her face to meet his gaze.

"Remus?"

"Yes." he cupped her cheek with a tender touch. "Look at me, my sweet."

"W-hy…why are you here?" She asked, the sullenness in her tone unmistakable. In spite of himself, Remus smiled. "You do not even listen to what I have to say."

"It is not so simple," Remus said. "You know that, do you not? Let me go, Maysa."

"But I don't want to. It scares me." Her voice was a little above a whisper.

"This is the way of life, my sweet. We have to let go of the ones we love, no matter how painful it is." He traced circles upon her cheeks, his indigo eyes glinting in the dark like the full moon during the harvest festival. "All relationships end, be it through death or separation. We can only love with all our hearts when we give up this fear of loss. The very essence of love is to lose."

That was the moment of unravelling for Maysa. She sat up in a sudden motion and threw herself against him, almost making him fall off the bed. He gasped softly as she held onto him and sobbed, her tears wetting the fabric of his tunic.

"That is so unkind of you Remus," she buried her face against the crook of her neck, inhaling his familiar scent with the gusto of a starving man given food after days. "You see how upset I am, and you had to say that?"

"I did not mean to—"

"You never mean to, but you do," she interjected. "You keep hurting me with your actions. Must you always push me away?"

A drop of tear trickled down his left cheek. "I do not want to hurt you, my sweet. But the world has a tendency of wrenching apart the people who love one another. I want you to be prepared."

"Nothing is going to happen to you. I will not allow it." She replied with conviction.

"Wars have a habit of surprising us in the most unexpected ways." There was a hint of a bittersweet smile on his lips. "What will you do if tomorrow something happens—"

Maysa pressed a finger against his lips before he could complete his sentence. "Then I will burn down the realm. Namiona will be naught but a barren wasteland of ashes. I swear this on the Maiden’s name."

And that is what I fear. He looked into her eyes, which burnt the fire that gave her such fervour. In that instant, he was certain she would do it. Not a man existed who could stop his sweet princess if she set her mind on something, which sometimes made him afraid. She was more Desher than Memor in several ways.

"Maysa…" her name was an ardent prayer on his lips as they sat locked in each other's embrace.

Before he could say another word or voice a protest, she pressed his lips against his. This was hungry and demanding as she poured all her longing into it. Their tongues met in a tangle that sent heatwaves spiralling into their veins. His hands wrapped around her waist.

"Promise me you will return unscathed," she said breathlessly, releasing him from her unrelenting hold. "No matter what happens, you will come back victorious, with the crown on the top of your head. And then you will wed me."

"I promise,"  he leaned in for another kiss. "I will return and then we will wed. No one will part us ever again."

"You better remember that," she grinned through the remnants of her tears, trailing kisses along his jawline. "You may go nowhere until I allow you to. You belong to me, Remus Desher. I will fight with the gods for you if it comes to that."

Clothes were discarded in a flurry as they fell on the bed in a heap of entwined limbs and sheets. They kissed each other everywhere, using their hands and tongues to explore every inch of their exposed skin. They wept freely, their tears mingling with one another in the night's silence.

For a moment, time stood still, allowing the two to exist within that cathartic moment. They were free, truly free. It was a farewell of sorts, one which neither was aware of. Perhaps if they had known, the two would have tried to prolong the moment, eke it for as long as they could.

But in the heat of their lovemaking, the concerns of the future melted away, leaving only two hearts that beat as one in the quiet.

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