Before, After & In-between

Chapter 29 - Now

"Katy...Katy, Katy please!" my name bellows across the emptiness, through the drizzle of rain, pulling me back to the waking world.

I shift uncomfortably and roll onto my back as droplets splatter my face, it's dark and a cold mist fills the air. I strain to swallow against the dryness of my mouth, I lick my lips and open my mouth eagerly to the rain.

"Katy!" my name comes again, followed by a panicked "Please answer me!"

Beyond the pitter-patter I strain to listen, the insects buzz, the squirrels scurry, the night animals gone into hiding. My name continues to find me. Calling to me, begging for me.

I push myself with stiff muscles into a sitting position, a cold shiver tackles me sending my body off balance. I am soaked. My hands search my surroundings for the sweater but instead sink into the wet ground, mud and grass mashing between my fingers.

"KATY!!!!"

It's more than one voice. It's my dad, it's my brother, and it's...

"Darrin?" I say, squinting as he comes into view, flashlight pointing directly in my face.

"I found her!" he hollers, "She's over here!" He runs toward me nearly tripping over his own two feet and drops to his knees. Panic fills his eyes, along with worry, relief...love?. Were met eye to eye, a wall of rain stands between us as he lets out a heavy sigh and pulls me into his arms. "Jesus Katy what the hell!" His hand finds the back of my head and holds me close, so close I can hear his heart beating. Fast, too fast like he's been running, like he's scared. The trembling in my limbs momentarily subsides with the warmth of his body.

"I'm.." but the words escape me, they bounce around the borders of my mind...searching yet I can't find them. I feel fuzzy and unclear, slow and foggy.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?"

My dad runs up behind Darrin, his breath ragged as he drops his flashlight and reaches for me. "What happened Bear, what happened? Are you okay, are you hurt?" He asks with fear, his eyes scanning my face and my body for injury.

I shake my head slowly, overwhelmed with emotion, "I don't think so, wha ... what time is it?"

"It's late, it's almost midnight, no one has been able to reach you, no one knew where you were!" he says frantically.

"You've been missing for hours Katy," Darrin says.

Missing.

I remember going to the Nook. I remember feeling out of control and desperate. I remember seeing her grave for the first time, the pain, the guilt. And I remember being so tired, so overcome with exhaustion that I had no choice but to give in.

"I'm sorry," I cry, "dad I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Shh, it's okay," he says, wrapping his arms around me. "Come on let's get you up" he attempts to pull me to my feet, but my legs don't work and they buckle beneath me.

"I don't feel so good," I say, my body trembles. "I'm so thirsty."

"Jake," my dad yells, "bring your water here."

Jake hurries over stumbling through the rain and grass, he's scared and it's my fault. My dad holds the water bottle to my mouth, and I gulp it back so fast that I choke and cough. My head lulls back and forth. A debilitating weakness overcomes me and I can barely keep my eyes open.

"I don't like this," he worries, "She needs to go to the hospital," he says to Darrin.

Every ounce of me wants to fight it but I can't. I've got nothing, I'm weighted and weak and I just want to sleep. I feel my body being lifted, I am in his arms. I am cocooned against Darrin's body and I don't care about anything now. I'm home, I'm safe. He breathes heavily as he carries my limp body through the cemetery and places me in my dad's car.