Finding Olivia

Chapter Three

do the things I had written down.

All the things on my Live List, as I called it, were things I had always wanted to do. But most of them, I couldn't, because of my father. He had controlled every aspect of my life, and I let him, because I was scared of displeasing him. All I had ever wanted was to make him proud. By the time I started high school, I knew that nothing I ever did, would please him. He was always striving for perfection, from himself, from me, from everyone and everything. But perfection doesn't exist, no matter how hard or how long we search for it.

So, why was I still looking for it?

I read over each item on my list like I did every night. It had become a sort of calming routine for me. By now, I didn't have to look at the list to know what was on it, but I did anyway.

MY LIVE LIST

Get drunk

Fly in a hot air balloon

Go to the carnival

Go to a concert (even if it's

someone I've never heard of)

Go to a party

Lose my virginity

Dance in the rain

Go roller skating

See the ocean

Learn to paint

Get a dog...or a cat...or a rabbit. Any pet will do.

Sing in front of real people. Avery doesn't count.

Make more friends

Shoot a gun

Smoke

Get a tattoo

Learn to pole dance

Go skinny dipping

Pierce my belly button

Fall in love

I knew some of the stuff I had written down was silly, but I still wanted to try them. It was all about the experience and the chance to do something forbidden.

There were so many things I hadn't been allowed to do and I felt like I had missed out on a 'normal' childhood.

I wanted, desperately, to do these things. But I was starting to believe it would never happen. A whole year had passed since I made my Live List and I had only done four things.

True, four was more than zero, but it seemed pretty pathetic to me, compared to all that was left to do.

I read over the items, yet again, nibbling on my bottom lip.

My need, to do these things, was growing restless.

Something inside me was saying it was now...or never.

The dorm room door opened and I hastily stuffed the piece of paper back into my pocket.

Avery dropped her backpack on the floor and promptly pulled her hair up into a ponytail.

I grabbed my textbook off my bed, and placed it in my lap, pretending to be doing my homework so Avery wouldn't start questioning me about what I had been doing.