These Oceans between You and Me

Spinning

Adam walks up to me with a look of mischief flashing in his eyes.

"Ben," he says with an undertone of excitement. "A few people are going to play Spin the Bottle upstairs. Dude, we cannot miss this!" I don't have time to say anything as he grabs me by the arm and eagerly drags me along with him.

Everybody knows that if you want Adam's presence, mine is included as well, but I don't think anyone would want me to play though. I'm dragged up the stairs by Adam, following a group of kids from our school into an empty room.

We all sit down in a circle in the middle of the room, and a bottle of vodka and a few beer cans appear in their hands as if by magic. Two boys smugly boast to the rest of the group about their amazing sneaking skills that they used to get the drinks into the party unnoticed. There are only popular kids playing, I suddenly realize, and that makes me a thousand times more anxious.

Someone passes me a beer and I gingerly take it. It's my first time drinking alcohol and I'm not sure if I should be doing this, but Adam seems ecstatic, so I shrug it off and drink up.

It takes a couple of plays in the game for Adam's turn. The bottle that he spins lands on a girl from our history class, Rachel, I think her name is. She blushes and giggles, while all her friends poke each other and try hard to hide their envy.

Rachel is considered the lucky one on the other end of that bottle, since all the girls around the circle want a chance to kiss Adam. He is Mr. Popular after all.

Everyone is cheering and egging him on while I sulk and slouch in my spot on the carpet and try, unsuccessfully, to not watch Adam kiss that girl. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I can't stand it. I can't stand the look of joy on her fake face. I can't stand all the people that egg them on. I can't stand this stupid game.

I watch him grip the carpet nervously. Nobody sees it, but I know him like the back of my hand. He's nervous because it's his first kiss.

When my time comes to spin the bottle, it'll be my first kiss too.

I chug the can of beer until it's empty. Everybody in the circle must think I'm doing this because I need liquid courage in order to play. But I'm drinking because I don't want to see Adam sloppily kiss that girl in front of me. The scene makes me sick to my stomach.

The beer tastes slightly more bitter than before. I try not to grimace at the acrid taste lingering in my mouth.

I wonder if Adam's mouth tastes bitter too.

I begin to plan an excuse to leave the room. I know Adam will say I'm "chickening out". Maybe I am, but I don't care what he thinks.

I don't want to kiss anyone. I just want to leave.

While I prepare to blurt out an excuse to leave the room, the next person in the circle spins the bottle and I reel back in surprise when it lands on me.

I glance up from the bottle and see Jennifer smirk victoriously at her friends.

People say she practices spinning the bottle every day in her room, calculating the weight, speed and the friction on the carpet. They say she knows exactly where the bottle is going to land and that she has never missed a target.

She's in the cheerleading squad and she's very pretty. I didn't expect to be her target, not in a million years. I'm just me, and no one ever wants to kiss me.

She crawls up to the middle of the circle to wait for me, while everybody starts to cheer loudly. And I start to panic, because I didn't think anyone would choose to kiss me, of all people. According to the rules we set before the game began, even if the bottle lands on someone, you can still decline and do a dare instead.

I was so sure everyone would choose dare instead of kissing me.

Jennifer apparently disagrees.

I'm going to have my first kiss with a girl.

My stomach is all tied up in knots. I can still choose to not go through with it, I have the right to decline. But if I do, I will never hear the end of it. People are never going to let me live this down. I have to kiss her, there's no other way out of this.

The guy sat beside me pushes me forward to meet Jennifer in the middle of the circle. I am in full panic mode now. The palm of my hands are sweaty, my heart is in overdrive and my stomach is churning and burning.

I let out a surprised gasp as Jennifer leans over and closes the distance between us. She has lip-gloss on her lips that smells like artificial strawberry, but feels like oil. It's sickeningly sweet and the sticky sensation is unpleasant. Her tongue feels like a weird slimy alien thing inside my mouth.

I don't get why people are so obsessed with kissing. It feels kind of gross and it really doesn't meet any of my expectations, to tell you the truth.

My head starts to spin and I remember that I haven't been breathing for quite a while. The second I inhale, my stomach jolts furiously and spasms. I break the kiss, leaning away from her in a hurry.

The room is spinning and everything feels uncomfortable. The clothes I'm wearing are tight and itchy, the room is too hot, the people around us are too loud and I'm too nervous.

Jennifer starts to protest that the kiss ended too fast but I feel so sick that I can barely listen to what she's saying. My stomach churns violently and the next thing I know, I am throwing up right in front of her.

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