How Boys Speak

Clyde Speaks: Furious Flirting

Clyde Speaks: People who flirt too much

This is more a rant than anything. I get really irritated with people who flirt too much but then act like they're the most innocent thing in the world! I mean, hey I'm a whore and if you are one as well then we can live in our little whore house and have whore babies that go to whore schools... it's really simple. However then you get those dipshits of girls who just end up flirting with you and suddenly claim to be A Virgin Mary. How is that supposed to work?

There are 4 main types of flirters:

The Cliché:  You should know about this type. "Oh Emily, your eyes twinkly like the stars" Likeseriously homey? You're not getting laid tonight.

The Giggler:This type is usually common with girls. Example:

                                Guy: Sup
                                Girl: You're so hot! My friend dared me to say that! Heehehehehehehex 100

Yeah I highly doubt your friend wanted you to act like a moron who got possessed by The Joker.

The Admitter:This flirter isn't afraid of who they are and how they flirt. My kind of person! A hoewho knows she's a hoe

 The Non Flirter:A stubborn bitch who would never flirt no matter how much you try. Oftenthousands of guys wish that she ends up dying alone and without a vagina.

So anyway, after my various failed attempts of banging some girls, I decide to prank call a few numbers from online classifieds (internet ads) and couple of girls that we know of.

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So my first victim was from a Massage Ad which read something like this:

"Would you like to get a massage by somebody
who has years of experience and strong hands?
Would you like to have privacy and personal attention?"

And just out of interest, there was a picture included; she wasn't so easy on the eyes and she was in her late 30s. She had like flabby wrinkly skin... who would even go to her for massages when her skin is retarded itself?

*Ring Ring Ring* (It was ringing for a while)

Girl: Hello

Clyde: Hey, I saw your ad on ****** and I want to know if you're still offering this service. (This girl breathes quite heavily like she has bronchitis or something)

Girl: Yeah, I do. What would you like?

Clyde: Uh full body massage?

Girl: Sure! Would you like a happy ending?

Clyde: A what? (Did I hear right?)

Girl: For extra pay, I give handjobs but only *deep breath* those.

Clyde: Oh that's hot. You sound hot.

Girl: *Giggles* *Breathes deeply*

I start to get really freaky

Clyde: Can you rub my ass as well?

Girl: What?

Clyde: Yeah I mean recently, I put my ass out in the sun to dry it and stuff (Lol what?) and I noticed the thang started get these pimples. You know what I'm saying?

Girl: Uh...

Clyde: Yeah so I was wondering if you could... you know pippity pop don't stop the pimples.