Fall in May

~48~ Tommy in The Toilet

"No good deed ever goes unpunished"~ Great Genghis, Khan of Khans  

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Summer - June 22nd (Mayday –58 Away)

So as fate and fortune would have it, on the tenth day into my new job, I have my first, worst and last save of my summer at the Plunge.

I am walking circles around my personal little ring of blazing hell, when a towhead two-year-old kid has tried his best to get his head jammed sideways into the flip drain. This little daredevil has been left unsupervised by a less than observant mid-thirties mother wearing a black and white polka dot bottom-heavy two-piece bathing suit. The once almost sexy suit might have fit her bulbous buttocks after child one, but definitely not after child three. As the swollen cottage cheese thighs on display seem to scream in protest.

This poor excuse for a mother in question is less than four feet away from the drowning deathwish boy. But of course, she is right in the middle of a "No! You cannot have another Blue slushy, Timmy you'll ruin your lunch again!" tirade. Screaming at what I can only assume are the victim's two older siblings, glaring at Polka Dot just on the other side of the low safety fence.  

After trying twice to get this idiot's attention while walking my circuit, I finally give up and slosh across the toilet. Reaching down and gently extract the drowning kid out and up from the drain, where I set him on the edge of the pool. I fully expect this kid to start shrieking at me in rage or fear. But to my surprise, this kid is grinning at me like a grommet, and only slightly gasping for air. I give him a quick once over, check his vitals and breathing, and peering down into his excitedly blinking eyes checking for any sign of lethargic reactions. Only to be interrupted by a screeching tone from the bulbous Polka Dots behind me.

"What do you think you're doing to my kid?" The gum-snapping idiot barks at me from the knee-high fence.

"Checking your kid's reactions? Because he's had his head in the drain for almost fifteen seconds." I stand tall and face her down. "You know while you were arguing with your other kids and not paying attention to the one that actually needed you the most?" I eye her coldly. "And you are chewing gum in the 'No gum' zone."

All thirty chitty chatty conversations around the ol' Toilet Bowl now stop dead cold.

"Excuse me? What did you just say to me?" Youngish mother of three in the painful black and white polka dot bikini is now gonna dig in hard. Clearly filled with the "How dare you speak to me that way" righteous indignation. But unfortunately for me, I will take that dare. So I back away from the tottering child on the edge of the pool, and leave the deathwish kid to his cruel fate.

"Like I already told you lady, I was checking your kid's breathing. After I had to pull his head out of this flip drain." I tap the drain top for emphasis. "Where he was submerged, while I attempted to get your attention ...twice? But as you were clearly too busy arguing, with what I can only assume are your other two kids about ruining their lunch with slushies at the top of your voice to hear me? Before having to pull his head out of said drain myself."

"And you are chewing gum in the pool against the rules." I point to the sign on the kiddy pool fence that says in no uncertain terms: NO GUM IN THE PRINCESS POOL!!!  

"Which, we have that sign on the wall which clearly says "NO GUM" in all capitals, with three exclamation points. So that when you're done with your gum, none of these other kids can't get a hold of it and swallow it. Which could lead them to choke to death?" Or worse, make me scrape it up tomorrow morning during Deck Check?