Driving Doctor Mayhem

[13] Larry's Eggs

"I stole Larry's eggs!"

I squinted at Doc, who was excitedly pulling a few cartons out of his dinky refrigerator. "What the hell--why couldn't you have just bought eggs?"

"Oh," he scoffed emphatically, "Believe you me, Larry knows what he did. Also, now that I apparently have to pay you 'minimum wage,' psssht, I don't have enough fluid assets to afford luxuries like, say, an apartment that doesn't smell like mothballs. Or grocery store eggs."

"Eggs cost, like, two bucks, man."

"Three with tax," he added casually, in keeping with what was quickly becoming a reoccurring theme in our partnership: he listened fine, but he didn't hear at all. He held the precarious stack of cartons in one hand and shut the fridge with his hip. "Besides," he steamrolled on, "I have an exciting day planned for us!"

My brain did the thing where it thinks a million thoughts at once, so that I couldn't understand any. "Exciting?"

He rolled his eyes and threw open the door with his free hand. "Incredibly. Start up the Camry, Miss Banks. I have the address!"

I had been working for Doctor Mayhem for a few weeks by then, and that was the first time he had asked me to drive him anyplace other than the pet store. Up until that point, my duties were mostly going solo to pick up his mail, groceries, and dinosaur Happy Meal toys--which was weird. (The apartment was getting filled up with plastic Tyrannosaurus Rexes.)

Anyway, more to the point: it was exciting to escape the apartments and go for a drive, so I didn't argue one bit, slipping on my cousin's potentially-business-casual blazer and trotting out the door behind him.