Driving Doctor Mayhem

[36] Nondescript White Glob of Doom

The two of us rushed back to the car, only to find that Doc wasn't there yet. "How much time do we have left?" I asked sharply. "It can't be more than five minutes—"

Suddenly, a nondescript white glob splatted over the Camry's windshield and I doubt that a piece of bird crap has meant more to a person in all of history than that one in that moment did to Gideon and I. I locked eyes with him. Time was up.

We took off back towards the house without saying anything at first. "Do you think," I panted as we reached the door, "that he's asleep somewhere?"

Gideon frowned. "I hadn't before, but now I sure do."

Once inside, the two of us split up, searching different floors. I'd made it to the fifth door on the first floor when I heard rustling coming from the room. I sighed with relief.

"Knock, knock, I'm here to save the damsel in distress," I said flatly, stepping inside. "We need to get out right now, man."

A short, bald man looked up at me from the scattered mess of papers on his desk. "What? Who're you, young lady?"

Collodi.

All the blood in my body rushed to my face. My only saving grace was the fact that he didn't seem to remember me from earlier in the summer. "... Er, I'm a candygram, Mayor Collodi, sir."

"A candygram?" he repeated dubiously.

"Yes, sir. I sing a little song and give you a lollipop of the month membership."

He waved his hand angrily, attempting to cut me off, even though I was done talking. "How did you get in here?"

"Your door wasn't locked."

"My door is always locked, ma'am."

"Well, that seems highly negative."

Before , a wave of realization washed over his little, red face. "You're the girl," he whispered. "You're that lunatic's henchman!"

I figured that I didn't have much more to lose at that point, really.

"Just so you know," I chided, backing out the door, "we prefer henchperson."

Collodi leaped out of his chair and started to rush towards me, but I got away in enough time to avoid being mauled or something.

"What are you doing in my house?" he called after me, obviously winded.

I didn't risk turning around and answering because while I was pretty confident that I could escape without Collodi catching up, there was no need to tempt fate. Halfway through the my mad dash, I toyed with the idea of spilling something over—like in a spy movie or something—just to solidify my lead, but chickened out horribly.

When I made it out to the car, I could see that Doc and Gideon were already waiting. I would later learn that Doc hadn't, in fact, fallen asleep, but had gotten stuck in Collodi's attic while trying to find the world's second smallest cello in storage.

I sort of understood the Tyson poster, but I'd never wrap my head around why Collodi would want for that. It was about the size of a thumb. You couldn't even play it, and believe me, I tried after Doc started showing it off.

Upon arrival, I leaped into the driver's side, unlocked the doors, and the three of us bolted off without saying another word. It was pretty hard to drive with a black bear blocking most of the back window, but I managed.