THE BAD GIRL'S BOY

Afraid to Love

Michelle

I can't believe it,

Someone wants me.

Not just anyone.

Ben McGregor wants me.

Ben, the most wonderful man I've ever met wants me.

He told me himself, and his kisses told me more.

I thought I was worthless, unlovable, bad, very bad and just a piece of trash that only deserved to be molested by ruthless men.

Ben made me feel like I was so much better.

Like I was the most beautiful and honorable woman in the world.

The way he looked at me.
The way he held me. Like I was a treasure he was proud of.

He mad me feel things I never thought I was capable of feeling.

When he held me, I never wanted him to let go. I wanted to be his forever.

But I'm scared.

I'm scared because for the first time in my entire life I'm happy.
Ben makes me happy.

But I know he is only with me because he doesn't know the real me.

He doesn't know about my dirty pasts.

My past that makes me undeserving of him.

He deserves an honorable woman.

A woman untouched, undefiled.

He only wants me because he doesn't know the real me.

The real me that is dirty and disgusting.

I have to tell him. I have to tell him that I am not as beautiful as he makes me feel.

I am not as special as he treats me.

I dont deserve the admiration in his eyes when he looks at me.

We are currently in his room, laying in his bed. His arms are protectively wrapped around me, and his chin rests on my head.

He is wearing only a T-shirt and boxers, and I'm on my pyjamas.

I was spending the weekend at the McGregor house as usual, and I'm spending the night in Ben's room as I've been doing ever since we started dating. Which was a month ago.

We had agreed to keep our relationship discreet out of respect for Jessica.

We did hurt her , so showing off our relationship would just be cruel.

We only spent time together when I came over to the house on weekends to visit my best friend Laura.
Although I knew I came mostly for Ben. Laura of course made sure I spent most part of the day with her.
The nights were for Ben.

"I don't get to see you enough. I wish I could just tell the world that I'm with you and only you, so i can finally spend every minute of my day with you" Ben whines sleepily hugging me closer.

I chuckle.

"I want to spend more time with you too Ben, but Jessica is still upset. The way she glares at me at school is proof" I say stroking his arm and his body tenses at my touch.

"Besides, if your parents found out we are together. They'll be furious" I continue.

"They are going to find out eventually. I'm sure Jessica has told my mum about it already . She just hasn't found the right time to ask me about it" he says stroking my hair and i shut my eyes enjoying the feeling.