Not long ago I saw a movie called Walter. It was about a guy who thought he was given the authority to decide who would go to heaven or hell after they die. Well, today I am Walter. Here is my top ten list of those people that are going to hell. Make sure and check to see if you are on it.
This is not the permanent list. If you have any questions regarding your placement on the list feel free to ask me. There is some wiggle room for negotiation. Wink, wink.
#1 The guy that invented the Burpee.
I once started working out in a Cross Fit program. I even asked my doctor if I should and he said, "Sure, they send a lot of work my way." But there was some kind of special going on and I did it anyway. It wasn't terrible. I understood the concept and could handle the exercises.
Except for the burpee. What in the freaking world would have to possess someone to come up with this exercise? I personally think some trainer in a gym accidentally fell while everybody was watching, so he pretended he did it on purpose to do a push up and then jumped back up trying to act cool. He then told everyone it was new exercise and it caught on. I thought it was stupid. It so happens this particular gym I was in believed in the burpee like I believed in the Big Mac, so I had to leave. Stupid name too. Based on what heard in that gym during those exercises they just should have called it the Fartee.
#2 The guy that invented dodge ball and tether ball
I can't confirm that it was the same guy who invented both of these games. But in the first one people hit you with a ball, and in the other one you hit a ball and it hits you right back (well it did me). I can't accept that it was 2 different geniuses who did this. These were games invented by an asshole (I try not to be vulgar, but I also try to use the best possible word to accurately describe something. Trust me, this one is it.) Whoever invented these games and made sure it was some kind of rule that all kids in elementary have to play it during gym class deserves his own special spot in hell. I'm sure whoever invented this game is already dead and burning in hell as we speak. Good riddance.
#3 That guy that switched from Verizon to Sprint
This guy has no moral fiber whatsoever. Some big company pays you a shitload of money to be their spokesman, and then, years later a competitor of theirs pays you a shitload of money to take it all back and talk shit about them. This is just so wrong. You might as well just be Trump's press secretary. I swear if I see him in the future on a T-Mobile commercial I will personally become a sniper and take him out myself.
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#4.That girl from the Latuda commercial
I loved her. I really did. I have loved her since I first saw her in the Latuda commercial (some drug for depression and other stuff). I wanted to find her and save her from that, but the people from marketing who developed Latuda never returned my calls or email.. I thought for awhile that they were just trying to keep us apart. The truth was even darker than that.
