The Case of the Missing LOL...A blog

Things I Overheard at a Funeral

My oldest brother died back in 2015 at the age of 72. He loved to laugh. He would have gotten a kick at some of the things I overheard at his funeral.

"We are all on a train in life. None of us chose to get on this train but this is where we find ourselves and at some point in our lives we realize that we are not in control of that train. It moves along our lives. But as the train moves on things start to happen. The longer you are on the train the more you start realizing that the train stops and lets people on and off. Sometimes you don't want them to go but it is not up to you. The train knows when to stop. It knows who to let on and it knows who to let off. You never get to see the people that are let off again. It's their time. Some day it will be your time too."

Note: The above would have been fine if he just left it at that, I think. But, in between some of the sentences he paused to make train sounds. I am not kidding. Choo chooooooo! Yep.

"Dad."
"What?"
"Has anybody ever fallen in there?"
"Where?"
"The grave. You know, when they walk by and touch it or when it is going down. Has anyone ever fallen in?"
"Be quiet and listen to the preacher"
"I thought he was a pastor."
"Whatever! Just listen."
"Ok. He's not going to talk about trains again is he? I don't think I can hear about trains again".
"Be quiet."
"Ok. You know I think if I fell in I would be to embarrassed to come out. I would just stay there until everyone left."
"If everyone left it means you'd be buried under 6 feet of dirt already."
"Still. I wouldn't come out."
"Here are the keys just go wait in the car!"
"Okay okay...I would stay there though."

"It looks like rain, huh. And it's so cold too."
"Yeah, it's ugly."
"Yeah, I don't think I would want to die on an ugly day."
"Well, we don't get much choice on that."
"I know right? Stupid weathermen suck."

"Is this coffee free?"
" Yes. Well, no. I am sure it was paid for by whoever paid for the funeral."
"Wow. I have never had a dead person pay for my coffee before."
"Wait till you get as old as me. You'll be drinking a lot of coffee paid for by dead people."

"I think she is crazy for wearing those sandals, Dad."
"Yeah, it's 50 degrees out here and it's raining."
"No, I meant they don't go with that dress. Not even close."

"How've you been?"
"I'm fine. And you?"
"Oh I'm doing just great."
"That's good."
Pause
"Do I know you?"

"Did you bring a sweater?"
"No. I didn't think they were going through with this today. I didn't know it was going to be so cold. I thought you couldn't bury people in cold weather."
"Why not?"
"The ground's too hard."
Pause
"You're pretty stupid huh."

"Hey, it's been a long time."
"Yeah, it seems we only see each other at funerals."
"Yeah."
Pause
"You got fat."
"Uh, okay."

"Hey, how are you?"
"Fine, you?"
"I'm fine."
"Good. You know I almost didn't recognize you. Last time I saw you you looked like Richard Gere."
"Oh really? And now?"
"Richard Gere's grandfather. Or maybe grandmother."
"Wow. Not cool."

"He was my brother. He taught me how to shake a man's hand and introduce yourself while looking him in the eye. He taught me that it didn't matter if we didn't have the same mother or that we were so many years apart or that we were not raised together. We were brothers. We were family. Nothing else mattered." -Me

Rest in peace, brother.