I'm still turning my wedding ring. Ben is waiting at home with Sara, so if he doesn't arrive soon I'll give this for settled. That's why I'm here, to finish it.
I received the photo by postal a few days ago in my old address and my heart still racing when I think about it.
"Let's run together, I'll keep waiting for you."
You had written it in the back, with that surgeon's letter that I was so nervous about. I'd be lying if I said I don't remember perfectly that that was the last thing you said when we said goodbye. When I thought we had said it forever.
That train took me to another city. That other city to another road and another life. I didn't wait for you, I thought you didn't either. After all, it was you who always said that promises are made to break them, which is the only way to learn from mistakes.
Maybe seeing you again is a huge mistake, although you were never a mistake for me. Only a story that didn't end, was only interrupted. That's why I'm here, to finish it.
I give once again a turn to my ring. Will you know that I got married; that I have a daughter? What do you expect from this meeting?
Your face appears among the passengers of the train like the last time. The doubts disappear a moment. Everything disappears except you. You have always had that effect on me.
"Hi," you say, and I warmly embrace you again. And now, I'm not sure if we deserve another end other than together.
But you never taught me how not to fall in love again.
I depended on you in everything.
You never taught me how to heal my heart without it's healer.
And now here you are moving on with your life, you have found your lover, you have become my heart's breaker and the dream of kissing you was nothing but a shadow in my brain.
Hustling and hurrying to get to the place they desired to be in.
I would call myself a passenger too, except that the place I desired to be in was here, in the arms of the man who taught me to love and be loved.
My head hurt. Thinking about all of our memories and moments and near death experiences we had from when we laughed so much we thought our organs were going to give up on us.
My heart hurt. Remembering the feel of his soft yet protective embraces and relaxing under his touches and realizing that this was the last time I would see him.
The realization was enough for me to drop my bags and jump into his arms.
I kissed him and our bodies moulded together. In need, in desperation and in hunger. Every noise and thought was now a blur as I lost myself in the puzzle he was. Every insignificant squabble we had now seemed like the greatest thing I was going to give up.
Every eternity with him would not be enough.
And so I did what I thought I could never do. I tore myself from him. I grabbed my bags, searching frantically for the ticket. And I ripped it to shreds.
His mouth was agape but the look in his eyes was fire. He grabbed my hands and pulled me into his chest, kissing me with a longing and passion much greater than anything experienced before.
He made me do the thing I would never have done. His love gave me to the power to fight, to want and to hope. I had given up a part of my life by tearing that ticket up, but I had also discovered a fiery and confident woman in me by doing so.
I had found my passion and my reason to fight.
In the thought and fear of losing him, I had found me.
